Thursday, December 14, 2006

rare, unusual, and really boring

Now what could be all those things at once? Hmmm.....

Just happened to me.

Just got out of an elevator.

That I had been in for and HOUR.

Great story, but not much to tell.

I got to use the emergency elevator phone! That was definitely a highlight.

Lowlight - had to wait and hour for the Otis guy to come rescue me from between floors; one of them was the 11th - he was pretty hot :) I have this thing for strong muscular redheads who aren't scared to grab my dogs and save me, even if it was just part of his job and he probably got mad overtime for it.

Greatest thing about the long boring ordeal - I had my doggies with me and it happened AFTER their walk - thank god :)

I am odd. Oh yes. I did lots of yoga. Anything I could think of that didn't involve me lying on the floor. That in itself is not odd. It was the stripping down naked to do it just for the camera in the ator. That's what I called it while I was stuck in the box, because it sure as fuck wasn't doing anything close to elevating. Had I had some cigs, I could have smoked them. Had some time. Read everything. Smoking is only forbidden in an OPERATING elevator. But alas, only dogs. The worst part is that I missed Betty la Fea AKA Ugly Betty - but it was a repeat so that wasn't even bad. Another thing I am thankful for is that I was alone and didn't have to deal w/ anyone else's bullshit.

I tried to find just how many people get stuck in boxes, because as I am now a member of an elite club, I want to know just how elite it is. They all could be telling me its rare so I keep my faith in elevators.

This is what I found:


"Incidents involving elevators and escalators kill about 30 and seriously injure about 17,100 people each year in the United States, according to data provided by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Injuries to people working on or near elevators, including those installing, repairing, and maintaining elevators, and working in or near elevator shafts– account for 14- 15 (almost half) of the deaths. The two major causes of death are falls and being caught in/between moving parts of elevators/escalators. Incidents where workers are in or on elevators or platforms that collapse, are struck by elevators or counterweights, or are electrocuted are also numerous."

Oh yeah, I don't know if you caught that, but I kept my clothes on :)

now YOUR turn - comment

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

best and most gentle natural asian exfoliating facial ever!

Alas, this supreme facial is not available to just everyone. I have been especially gifted. But more of that later.

First, I must apologize to fabulous Skippy Mom. She has tagged me TWICE :). My first tags. Lady got me in a special way. Sadly, I suck and have not been inspired to do them... But I really, really promise I will. And I have really been wanting to be tagged, but then it seems I am not entirely comfortable with the "you're it" part. I tend to freeze. On to massive cuteness overload!

here is my cosmotologist:





She is the best. A hottie, a great snuggler, and she likes dogs:





She is very thorough. Her rough teeny tongue gently licked my nose, chin, and forehead - all the trouble areas. Some of you might be like, oh my god, how gross! But it was the cutest, sweetest thing ever. It was an Asian facial b/c she is Siamese if you please. Though I have another "designer" pet, she was dropped off at my parents office because a friend of a relative of an employee found her and said employee brought her to work. My mom told to go pick her up! Now she wants her :( She has a bigger house, wide balcony rails where kitty can wander, and kitty can go outside. Mom lives in cul-de-sac in quiet small hood; I live in a condo. So I guess she has her reasons. But I love kitty so much. So Cute. So sweet.

Oh yeah - she was named Ling-Ling, but I just call her kitty. Might go back to ling-ling in a while..




now YOUR turn - comment

Monday, December 04, 2006

feeling better..

I was smelling the wonderfulness of my cashmere PJ's and I thought I would share a nice tip. Take your favorite essential oil, or a cheaper fragrance oil and put many drops on your dryer sheet. Rub the sheet around the dryer after it has run for about 10-15 min and you will have delicious smelling things. I also use it on my sheets. So nice - aromatherapy in bed.

Ending on a happy nice note :)


now YOUR turn - comment

what is it about mothers?

How can they get under your skin in just the perfect most painful way without even trying? After a 20 min call w/ my mom I have been crying for 1/2 hr. I just keep thinking that I should not be alive. My plans were thwarted, interrupted. I didn't want to be around to keep feeling like shit.

So I tried something new - cutting. Pretty sure most cutters don't start at 32, which leads me to believe that I am somewhat developmentally retarded. Didn't look for a razor. Just used a dirty chef knife. I couldn't cut myself. But I wanted to see my blood soooo badly - totally new feeling for me - I just started chopping. Still no blood. Just a swollen arm and neck. Why, why am I so damn stupid? I knew it was wrong, but I still did it. I know it carries a horrible stigma, but I still tried. I am vain - don't like scars - but still tried.

Boo-hoo me.



Sorry for the shit.


now YOUR turn - comment..... i understand that this is really difficult to leave a comment to w/o sounding trite, so dont feel guilty for keeping your silence. If you dont know, I am seeing a psychiatrist; in fact day after next. I dont feel I am recovering. Such the downward spiral.

FORWARD 10 MIN

I feel like such a childish idiot with a ton of welts on my arm that i might have to painfully explain. I cant believe it tried that. I have never understood "cutters" but damn I wanted to bleed and feel a different kind of pain - the kind that wont make me jump 25 floors, not that i ever think I could do it. Pills are more my things. Too bad I know which ones work now.... Its a power I should not have. I believe in the right to choose, whether you want to carry a child, or just choose not to continue living. Not many people agree w/ me on the latter. But its MY life. Why cant I do what I want to it? Guess I dont think victimless crimes should exist. Dont worry. Will be around for a while. Feels good to let it all out, even though I am scared that the few people who read will think me a gigantic freak. But they probably wont.

Monday, November 20, 2006

all soft and pretty...but brains?

My poor husky Jackson has problems eating. Nothing physical, its more like he is anorexic. I put the plate in front of him and he gives me the sad eyes, like "mommy, do I really have to eat ALL of this?"

Example - I just gave him a little itty bitty smooshy CAT TREAT and he took about 3 minutes to eat just one. And before he could eat it he had to break it up into THREE pieces.




Oh yeah, after seeing The Bodies Exhibition I realize that even though and perhaps because of I was a vegetarian for 1/4 of my life, I would turn to cannibalism if needed without a second thought. Maybe I was hungry, um no had Wendy's before... but it all looked like good beef jerky. Saw some nice rump roast. And yeah, if I had to, I would in a second. But I would never kill anyone or endorse anything like that - only in a worse case scenario Donner party kind of thing. If it comes to your city it is worth seeing. I am really grossed out by other peoples medical things like blood, and worse w/ animals, but these flayed humans in action are incredibly fascinating.

now YOUR turn - comment

Saturday, November 11, 2006

the upside of insomnia

*you get to read A LOT
*lots of peace and quiet
*see many more sunrises than I usually do
*I get to hear the satisfying "thud" as the newspaper hits my front door
*I can once in a while get my paper before all the others on my floor so they don't think I am such a lazy....
* And now the best! Just after I had read today's paper, the sun started coming up so I decided to go sleep on the beach. Grabbed big sunglass (on second thought airline sleep shades would have been a much better choice), pillow, beach blanket and a few couch throws b/c I couldn't find a blanket that was not being used.

Only thing I forgot was my bathing suit for when I woke up....

Husband says he tried to wake me up around 7 and I told him something about going to hell or worse. But he still got me an umbrella so I wouldn't get to hot :) 80 here!

A much smarter move was coming down at noon w/ some garliky microwaved quesadillas. Once the garlic hit my nose I was like a jack-in-the-box popping out of bed. Nice breakfast, cold water...Aaaahhhhh...

Then went upstairs to change out of my sweats into a bikini, but I couldn't find the top, but hell, this is Miami Beach and even if I did have it, I wouldn't have worn it. The tops are only for pools and vacations.

PREACHING FAMILY VALUES:
If you can, try to get to a nude beach. Don't be self-conscious and enjoy the fresh air pass over your body. Chances are you haven't been out in your birthday suit very often. Give it a try. It rocks!

About 3 I called it a day and went back inside. I have a delicious new tan and a very well rested body. MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE THAN BALCONY CAMPING. Cant wait to do beach "camping" again. Sand is sooo comfortable. I want a sand bed. Wonder how heavy it would be? Just get a futon and fill it w/ sand - seems easy enough.

OOOHHH- also at the beach there was the cutest miniature daschund named Lila and she frequently came by to snuggle w/ me and share my pillow. Such a cute little black and brown dog w/ a sandy nose and pink rhinestone collar. Now the LOL part - her parents had Louis bitten towels upon which I sarcastically told my husband I want Coach towels for our anniversary. Coach is far superior to Louis bitten. (real me - have Coach purse and love it but only because it has lasted forever, wears great with everything, has a classic color, is really combo, and does not SCREAM I AM COACH) Turns out the dog has a Coach carrier for when it flies first class. Dog's mom actually got a letter from her doctor saying that she NEEDS to travel w/ her dog, so the dog flies free!

I must have looked like a homeless person when the beach guy arrived at work. By the time I got to the beach I was really tired so didn't walk as far as I thought from the bldg exit. Was almost in the center. Oops.

One more thing - saw the cutest aqua terry-cloth sundress at Tarchez, but in the children's section. Only 5'1" so I knew I could fit in it (for some reason hate trying on clothes at Target - probably b/c I go there mostly for home things) and I got busted. A girl around 7-9 was wearing the same dress. At least other people in this bldg deign to shop at Tarchez. So sick (aka jealous)of all the D&G, Ann Taylor, Burberry, Anthropologie - whatever is expensive - you name it - bags in everyones hand.

But I got more style in my pinkie toe than they got in their bank account!




now YOUR turn - comment

Thursday, November 09, 2006

seems kinda wrong

I was just doing some yoga, thinking about how relaxing the stretches were, when a rather large ant came near my foot. I squished it with a nearby piece of paper...




now YOUR turn - comment

Friday, November 03, 2006

drunken post

I am pretty. My parents have money that they are willing to share with me. I have a husband that I really believe loves me. I have 4 pets that I really love. Despite all this, I often feel wrong about that thing went wrong that June 2. I made a choice. I wanted to leave this life but next thing I knew I awoke in a hospital. For abortion I am pro-choice; why is it illegal to be pro-choice for my own life? No one has bothered to explain that to me. Its just the law. End of story. Maybe I didn't want it to end. I answered the phone, which I never do, and I confessed what I had done. Though I don't really remember it, I guess the more fucked up you are the more honest you are, so I guess I changed my mind right before I thought it would be over. I remember falling over everything. Crawling around the floor b/c I could not walk. Crying a lot. Saying bye. But my "suicide letter" was more like a journal entry and stream of thought more than anything - kinda a confession that my husband never should have read.

A cousin of my cousins' just died. He was just 2 months over 30.... If we had kept in touch we would have been good friends. He also sold "things" in high school. I have never seen such a standing room only funeral. I had never been to a funeral of someone who was younger than me. I felt really bad because I was crying more than anyone there. The families did not get along. I never knew he was in the hospital. His father found out he was in the hospital because my almost cousins' GF called his mother in Venezuela, who in turn called her sister in Miami, who in turn called the dying mans' father.

They had not been speaking for a while. My cousin left his wife and child for his secretary and she would not let him be w/ his family unless they excluded his ex-wife from the family. As far as I know, she did nothing wrong and is a sweet, wonderful person. But no one ever knows the whole story. Right before he died, he made up w/ his father. He actually asked the doctors to help him up so he could hug this father like a real man. I am oh so happy that happened. Thank god they got to reconcile - so many don't. At the funeral all I could think of, this could so easily be me and my parents could be in this pain. I never want them to go there. They don't deserve it. No one does, but they are really good people.

Normally I hate the plastic enclosed cards that are presented at funerals (is this a Hispanic tradition, or American also?) but I liked his. It was not a psalm which I think are useless. Here it is - for my cousins' cousin. The first child in our family to die. It so easily could have been me. I have always thought myself the black sheep, but he really was. No he is dead so no bad can be said about him, so I am the black sheep again. Oh, well. Maybe not. My very wonderful and loving cousin married someone who most everyone hates and moved to china - maybe he be black sheep now....

The plastic covered card:

In Loving Memory of

Pedro Hernandez (Jr. cuz he was but it wasn't on the laminated thingy - imagine being a father and seeing your name on your sons funeral "cards" - horrible I think.

July 31, 1976
October 14, 2006

God saw you were getting tired,
and a cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you
and whispered "Come to me".

With tearful eyes we watched you,
and saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

As you know, I am not a fan of religion and only put this in memory of someone whose life, however misguided, was cut short.







now YOUR turn - comment

Friday, October 13, 2006

ancient lazy proverb

when you have dog, dishwasher does not have to work so hard


now YOUR turn - comment

Thursday, October 12, 2006

best verbal fuck up in the world

to my husband:

I dont want to, I'm late and its tired.

The last thing a husband wants to hear.



now YOUR turn - comment

Friday, September 22, 2006

silver lining of being a blogger

Recently something pretty bad happened. While I was standing horrified, I could not but help thinking, this is something great to blog about.

More to come...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Road Trip!

We decided yesterday, let's go, and go we did! Yesterday and today we are in St. Augustine. I love this city. Its like the Key West of the north but w/ a lot less drunks. We brought the doggies so most of the family is together. Even w/ the doggies we managed to get nice hotels. The one I am in now has french doors that open out to a balcony with rocking chairs and a view of the ocean, the oldest fort in America (cuz I am in the oldest European city in America) and a cute little cemetery that dates back to the yellow fever. We share this balcony w/ 2 other rooms but they are not booked so last night I had the door open and it was so nice and breezy. Oddly, the dogs don't wander out on the balcony with me here, though they always do in the apt. I don't understand that - maybe they don't feel safe b/c its wood and not glass? Maybe its too narrow? I totally thought the dogs would love having the run of the balcony, but guess not. Its rare to get nice and breezy 26 stories up - I usually get fun, yet brutal wind and you cant quite smell the sea in it. In this room at night you can. Today on to the fountain of youth. Damn, its like I am reclaiming my youth. I haven't been here in 10 years and the first time was an 8th grade field trip. After this we go to RICHMOND!!!! I haven't even called any of my friends there yet....

I cannot believe how excited I am show my husband everything that I love about the River City. I am giddy just to be almost out of Florida now. I love the north! Though I guess this really is a southern vacation, so I guess I love the south! Funny how I have to travel north to find it. The only building I know in Miami with wrap around porches is my parents. I always tell them it would make a great B&B. My mom even put out rocking chairs on the porch (which is easily twice as wide as the one here). I cant tell if this building is old, or just looks old. Maybe its just really renovated and rebuilt.... It sits right on the square of the old town here.

I love it here but cant wait to see RVA again!!! We are also looking at property values because I REALLY WANT TO LEAVE MIAMI. Not so many hurricanes up here, and all the houses are sooo pretty - its like Richmond with more tourists and the ocean. It even has a river (that might be what I call the "ocean" I see from my room. The trolleys pass by bout every 20 min and each time little Papo growls at them but they totally ignored a horse yesterday. My precious Misha used to always bark at them in Richmond.

Time to leave the room and eat!

now YOUR turn - comment

Friday, September 01, 2006

hmm...

I just sprayed some febreeze on my sheets in the dryer while they were fluffing. Is that wrong?

now YOUR turn - comment

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Hey Look - I lost all self respect :)

After I got the idea in my head, I didn't think it would take much time. These were taken of me while I was DEAD asleep. My husband had fun positioning my body and taking what looks like some morgue shots.

Dont worry. It end with some really nice, if a bit racy, shots of me.






















now YOUR turn - comment - send me nice complements about my pictures, or tell me I suck, or tell me how i can improve. But I just realized that as I am the subject of all these pics I did not take them. Husband did - so you don't have to say a word!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

(sheepish grin) feeling better

Ok. Sorry for letting you into the turmoil of my mind when the meds haven't kicked in yet. Leaving it there, because, though its not god, it is a part of me, and I gotta learn to love me.




i made that necklace.... If you want one - 6' long, Swarovski crystal, liquid silver, magnetic clasp, any color, multiple colors: for you - $100


not feeling so blue anymore





my world is better now. Just a temporary freakout. Still thinking about deleting that last post because I still i haven't read it(frankly, am quite scared to) and really don't know if it makes any sense. It just happened to be one of the few times that I let myself go (this time in public??) so I went with it. Really trying to look on the brighter side of things now.







And I need to drum it into my thick head that each new day is an opportunity for good. Not for feeling like poo-poo. Each new day is a new opportunity. I have to stop feeling guilty for wasting them and just get over this whole thing and start to grab those possibilities that tomorrow, or today - but lets just focus on tomorrow so the last picture fits in better, has to offer. One of the few sunrises I see, but as i go to bed later and later I do see more and more - have tons to choose from- it will be hard, but here goes.


I hope to look like this w/in an hour or two!


There are a whole series of these that my husband took while i was DEAD asleep. Maybe one day, if I lose all self respect, I will post them. They are damn funny, but I look like hell. I think it was because I was awake to take this.


It kills me how I can be so damn depressed w/ a view like that. But we all know, money cant buy you happiness, but lack of it can sure as hell keep it away in a bad situation.


now YOUR turn - comment

Saturday, August 26, 2006

dreams

I usually dont have them. Almost never. Recently though, every once in a while I get one. They are usually disturbing and somewhat vivid - they can affect my mood for hours, perhaps because i allow it. The one I had last night was so inextrictably linked to MY LIFE, it was almost scary. I guess (well know) that I have shut myself alway, emotionally and psycically. I try to keep my mind active - sodoku, scrabble, reading voraciously. I try to excersize - go to a class here and there but usually just do it in my apartment. I still love the ocean, but have only been in once this summer though i visit it once a week and walk the dogs on the beach nightly. Such a difference from last summer when i used to swim for a half hour a day though and then read for about an hour under the umbrella with my apple in my ice water. Its so fustrating. I enjoy it. I KNOW i do, yet I am (because I cant think of another emotion that feels like it) scared to go out. I even get nervous before I walk the dogs, and I LIVe walking the dogs. Right now Iam crying so hard my eyes are closed so very tightly. Its moments like this when I am very impressed w/ my typing skills. i can actually put down shit w/o having to EVER see it. Its jsut hurs so much being sdcared to go out. So fucking much. I have to overcome it. I have no choice, but i dont know how. I love my dogs.. I want to walk them 10 times a day and be happy each and every time I do it.

What am I doing w/ my life. Nothing. Letting it pass by while I sit in a fog hoping it would just hurry up and be done with. I cant do anything to advance it, but that does not mean I cant think about it and oh my god to I hthink about it. I know its not good. At all. I need to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I DONT KNOW.

in the dream a guy asked me what the hell i was doing on the boat. If i had any plans of getting off. I didnt. He then asked what kind of life I was expecting on the boat. I told him i didnt care. it didnt matter. just something different. he told me there was no getting off and i had to make up my mind there. thats all i remember after waking up.

now to publish w/o spell check to wow (or make me look like an idiot) w/ my typing while crying w/ eyes tightly closed skillz.

OK - Dream - Someone asked me what I was going to w/ the rest of my life, just hide on the cruise boat, that I somehow got on mistakenly and was not able to tell any of my friends about. Strange things happened there. Very strange. Images flashing around that have more relation to my life than any other dream i have EVER had.






now YOUR turn - comment

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

yet another meme - but happy - makes me think abut things i love

This feels like its going to be hard but that's why I wanted to do it:

Freckle Face Girl tagged me with it because I asked.. I have always wanted to be tagged - so thanks sweet girl.

Start 10 sentences with the word, I LOVE...


1. I love...My husband I think... He is good to me and understanding. I think I have a mental block about it. But he is without a doubt my best friend and companion. He is also very forgiving. We have a lot more in common than we ever thought once I confessed my sins to him.

2. I love.... All my pets: in no particular order - ok lightest to darkest: Suzi (Whitey) is all white except for 2 grey spots next to each of her ears. She has one blue eye and one green (which reminds of doggie Misha w/ one brown and one blue.
Papo - the growler and the leaner. Not a large dog - some sort of rat terrier or something mix. Jackson - my light blue eyed grey and white husky (I have to admit he is my fav, probably b/c he is soo aloof.


3. I love...the beach - infinite shades of blue in the ocean and sky and the rhythmic waves relax me in a wonderful way

4. I love...Camping - getting away from it all on an island that becomes all ours right before sunset - the dogs can run free w/o fear

5. I love...All other sorts of traveling - have to do it more!


6. I love...my new body - sounds vain but it worked hard on south beach diet and exercised. I weigh at 32 what I used to weigh at 21.

7. I love...driving over the MacArthur Causeway and seeing the crystal blue water, the cruise ships on the right, and the mansions on the left. (copied from Freckle Face Girl b/c I love it too)


8. I love...taking the bus down to south beach and walking around. The best part is the late night bus - the people on there are fucked up. We almost decided to skip our stop once because we were laughing so hard.


9. I love...Richmond, Virginia - have soooo many fond memories. It also has such lovely parks and a great museum

10. I love...that I ran out of loves so here are some more - the mountains, sunsets, sunrises, my wonderful parents, cashmere, ebay, blogs, marijuana, a good wind that is not a hurricane, lightening storms. Tis all I can think of for now.

I am going to tag TranceJen with this one. I think she might need it a bit more than me


now YOUR turn - comment

Monday, August 21, 2006

because I cant do the 100 thing - ANOTHER MEME

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
ON THE COMPUTER

2. Who will be your next kiss?
MY HUSBAND

3. What is the largest amount of money you spent in one store?
LIVING ROOM FURNITURE - 2300

4. Where did you go on your last date?
FLANNIGANS MOST LIKELY

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
I CANT REMEMBER -XMAS? I HATE MALLS, THEY GIVE ME HEADACHES

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
NOPE, FLIP-FLOPS AS I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR OVER A YEAR - I LOVE IT

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
MARCH - COUSINS WEDDING; BUT THEN I ALSO WENT CAMPING IN THE KEYS BUT DON'T REMEMBER WHICH CAME FIRST

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
NO

10. What are you wearing right now?
A 70'S STRIPED LOOSE SHIRT FROM OLD NAVY AND DISCOLORED SHORTS FROM OLD NAVY AND WHITE FLIP-FLOPS BUT EVERY THING IS TOO BIG ON ME

11. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I DON'T BELIEVE IN WASHING CARS - IT RAINS TOO MUCH HERE

12. Last fast food you ate?
ITS CHECKERS, BUT ANY OTHER DAY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WENDY'S

13. Where were you Friday night?
WITH FRIENDS

14. Have you bought any clothes in the last week?
YES

15. When is the last time you ran?
BAD KNEES SO DON'T SO THAT UNLESS IT IS COLD OR RAINING AND I HAVE TO WALK MY DOGS

16. WhatÂ’s the last sporting event you watched?
NOTHING WITH INTEREST

17. What is your favorite class?
ANTHROPOLOGY

18. Your dream vacation?
SOOOO MANY -THAILANDD, ALASKAN CRUISE, INDIA, CHINA (COUSIN LIVES THERE)

19. Last persons house you were in?
LINDA

20. How old are your parents?
MOM - 59; DAD - 62

21. Are you in love?
I THINK (REALLY DEPRESSED SO APATHETIC ABOUT MOST)

22. Do you miss anyone?
YES. DEAD PEOPLE AND FRIENDS I HAVE LOST TOUCH OF

23. Last play you saw?
A FEW YEARS AGO I WENT TO PLAY AT MCD

24. What are your plans for tonight?
SEX

25. Who is the last person you sent a message to on myspace?
DON'TT DO MYSPACE

26. Ever go to camp?
YES

27. Were/are you an honor roll student in school?
ALL AP AND HONORS CLASSES, BUT NEVER QUITE MADE THE HONOR ROLL

28. What do you want to know about the future?
WHEN A BAD HURRICANE IS GOING TO COME ON LAND IN COCONUT GROVE OR MIAMI BEACH

29. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
NO, BUT I WEAR LANCOME POEME

30. Are you hungry?
ODDLY NO B/C I HAVE MY PERIOD

31. Where is your best friend located?
DON'TT KNOW - HUSBAND IS ON HIS WAY HOME

32. Who is your best friend?
HUSBAND

33. Do you have a tan?
EXCEPT FOR A FEW RECENT SCARS I HAVE A GREAT TAN (CUBAN)

34. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
USED TO BE 27, BUT I AM 32 - I GUESS IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.

35. Do you collect anything?
CUTE PIG TOYS

36. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
GOD - I THINK IT WAS WASHINGTON STATE IN 1997

37. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
NO, BUT I AM A STRAW FANATIC

38. How do you like your drinks?
ON THE ROCKS, DIRTY MARTINI,TEQUILAA BUT I LIKE THEM WELL MADE

39. Do you like hot sauce?
SIRACHA (RED BOTTLE, GREEN TOP IS THE BEST EVER!

40. Last time you took a shower?
2 DAYS AGO :(

41. Do you need to do laundry?
JUST FOLD AND IRON TONS

42. What is your heritage?
100% CUBAN

43. Are you someones best friend?
NY HUSBANDS

49. Are you rich?
FINACIALLY AND IN LOVE MY PARENTS ARE. I LIVE IN A RICH BLDG BUT AM POOR - PARENTS HELP ME OUT A LOT. SEVERE DEPRESSION MAKES IT HARD TO HOLD DOWN A JOB




Now YOUR turn - comment - and let me know if you use it

kinda lame yet funny meme

As any reader (some of the 5) will know, I am a sucker for memes - so here is one :) - much more fun if you do it yourself. Brings me back to grade school.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

this is good - Katzie Collins

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Virginia Tiramisu (decent)

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

M Po ( I like)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Purple Wolf

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Ann Coral Gables- technically; but could be Ann Miami which is much better

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME!!: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of your mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in)

Poomiarmia - i dont quite like

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

Purple Tequila

if you thief this lame meme let me know!

Now YOUR turn - comment

Sunday, August 20, 2006

i hate it when that happens

As I was checking the temperature and retarded oven for my husbands baby - his pork loin roast, which is amazing, I saw one of the most beautiful and colorful sunsets in a while sadly I should probably thank that to the Everglades being on fire.

I was going to take a pic right after I checked on roast and show off some of Miami's beauty. But then I started to care for the roast too. He had entrusted his baby to me to take care of. There were juices all over the pan and the poor roast looked thirsty, almost imploring, so I had to moisturize it.

And by the time I was done, so was the sunset.




now YOUR turn - comment

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

not a happy camper (yeah what's new)

I started crying again. I used to cry daily - before and after "the event" - first time I have ever used a euphemism for killing myself - LOL. For many months, even though I have been feeling oh so low - so crying - just silent horror and self imposed alienation.
Today I suddenly broke down and for once could put a finger on why. I was so sad because I had not lived up to my parents wonderful expectations. I know they love me and want me to be happy, but i just cant help thinking what a disappointment i must be to them. They are the stars of our family and i am the complete and total beautiful, rich, smart black sheep. I have it all and I still suck and no one knows why.
On top of this I have been having dizzy spells where my extremities go numb and i get the wha-wha in my ears. The first time something similar happened the doctor said it was an anxiety attack and gave me anti-anxiety meds (the ones I tried to do myself off with - hey euphemism again!) but the last few times it has happened 4 times the normal dosage didn't help, but it didn't make me sleepy either so maybe it is just anxiety.

How I wish, how i wish i were normal - but then again normal people are boring.



now YOUR turn - comment - though i understand if you have nothing to say - lord knows i wouldn't

Monday, August 07, 2006

onions are REALLY good for you

I just (well bout 2 weeks ago) got the most horrible rope burn from an Aspen Pet retractable leash. Everything else Aspen Pet sells is wonderful, but someone actually lost 2 fingers from this leash. I wont sue them, but will see if there is a class action I can join in on.

OK, this rope burn wraps around half of my mid thigh. Its going to turn out looking like a manatee scar just like the other one I have on my upper thigh.... I want to do everything I can to prevent this because, now I don't mean to brag, but I had a fucking kick ass tan and skin until this fugly, painful slashing. So I got me some mederma, for about $20 bucks a tube. Not cheap, but considering that it might help get rid of a lifetime scar (that robe burn went DEEP) it seemed worth the price. But once home I discovered that the main active ingredient in ONION BULB ROOT/ AKA: ALLIUM. So I google it, and here is what I found.

So I can return the expensive mederma, and just rub the root of a scallion (I really love onions) on the scar. I just think that is so cool.

Maserati update: just got off the phone with my father and though my mother refuses to discuss it, he said he is still thinking about it - he has not given up - yay! Their first car was a light blue VW that they brought to Europe and back when my dad was in the service. They toured through all of Europe with it, so I can only imagine that its got good memories, unless their roadtrips are like some of ours - and they didn't smoke pot to chill out.. Well, the car was named after my mom - she is kinda narcissistic so she loved it. I suggested my dad talk to her about a light blue one and name it after her again - TOTALLY moving on up kinda shit. Remember, both my parents are immigrants and arrived in the united states with absolutely NOTHING, so I gotta be proud. Not bragging, just so damn proud. I guess you can tell I'm not rich when I talk about returning a $20 salve and getting a $0.99 green onion to replace it!


now YOUR turn - comment!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

meme (+ posting record for me!)

For some reason I love these. Been working on the 100 list but hey...

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? NO!

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? NEVER

3. When's the last time you've been sledding? hmm.. let's see - IN RICHMOND,VA VERY DRUNK WITH MY DOG MISHA - SHE WOULD RUN NEXT TO THE INNERTUBE BARKING AT YOU AND WHEN I WOULD COLLAPSE AT BOTTOM OF THE STEEP HILL SHE WOULD LICK MY FACE - WAS ROUND 1998/9

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? VARIES - BUT USUALLY WITH SOMEONE ELSE (HUSBAND); HATE SLEEPING ALONE THOUGH - THING DOGS AND CATS COUNT AS SOMEONE ELSE

5. Do you believe in ghosts? KINDA; I WANT TO, BUT TILL I SEE ONE FOR MYSELF CANT REALLY 100% BELIEVE

6. Do you consider yourself creative? EXTREMELY BUT I AM IN A HORRIBLE FUNK NOW - MY HAPPIEST TIMES WERE IN ART SCHOOL AND CANT WAIT TO GO BACK!

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Of course not. He was found INNOCENT (oh please tell me you can read the sarcasm I'm dripping here....) (OK THAT WAS ORIGINAL ANSWER FROM THE MEME BUT I CANT SAY IT BETTER)

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? SO HARD TO CHOOSE BECAUSE IT IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT ISSUE IN TODAY'S SOCIETY. ANISTON IS STARTING TO BUG ME THOUGH AT FIRST I WAS WITH HER - ALWAYS SYMPATHIZE WITH THE JILTED ONE; BUT COME ON - ITS ANGELINA - I WOULD PROBABLY DUMP MY HUSBAND FOR HER AND HE WOULD UNDERSTAND.

9. Do you stay friends with your exes? SOME - BUT HAVE LOST TRACK OF SOME I WISH I HAD NOT

10. Do you know how to play poker? YES, BUT I AM ALWAYS SCARED AT FIRST - BUT I SEEM TO BE GOOD AT IT

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? NOT WITHOUT THE HELP OF DRUGS USUALLY, EXCEPT FOR THE TIME I WAS IN THE MENTAL WARD; DECIDED READING BEAT THE HELL OUT OF SLEEPING

12. What's your favorite commercial? THAT'S A HARD ONE...I THINK ITS "HEAD-ON; APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE HEAD. HEAD-ON; APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE HEAD...ETC. ITS JUST SO BAD YET OBVIOUSLY MEMORABLE THAT I HAVE TO LOVE IT

13. What are you allergic to? USED TO BE EVERYTHING ALMOST; BUT NO KNOWN ALLERGIES NOW - BUT A TOUCH OF ASTHMA - WHEEZING LIKE A BITCH LAST NIGHT

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights? DEPENDS ON WHAT ROAD AND WHAT NEIGHBORHOOD AND MY LEVEL OF SOBRIETY

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? NO - AM VERY OPEN W/ HUSBAND

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Neither. DITTO

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Yeah!! It's fun!! DITTO

18. How often do you remember your dreams? I rarely remember my dreams. It has to be an extremely vivid dream in order for me to remember it though.. DITTO EXCEPT FOR THE PAST WEEK; HAVE BEEN REMEMBERING MORE THAN I HAVE IN MONTHS BUT FEW IF ANY ARE GOOD

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? I DON'T REMEMBER, BUT I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK IT WAS TOO LONG AGO. I CRY VERY EASILY..

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles? COME TOGETHER, BACK IN THE USSR; BLACKBIRD; WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS; SEXY RITA, METER MAID (AND IN CASE AM WRONG ABOUT THE TITLE AN EASY BULLSHIT ONE) I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND. AM SO DISAPPOINTED AT MYSELF THAT I CANT JUST THINK OF 20 OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

21. What's the one thing on your mind now? HOW LATE AM I GOING TO SLEEP; WHEN WILL I BECOME SLEEPY; WHEN WILL I GET READERS? WILL I GET READERS? WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER? HMMM, MAYBE THAT'S WHY I CANT SLEEP... THE -ONE- THING - NEVER ONE THING IN MY HEAD AT THE SAME TIME, UNLESS IT IS EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY THOUGHTS, THEN THEY GET A VISE GRIP.

22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is? NO, BUT I CAN IMAGINE IT

23. Do you always wear your seat belt? 90% OF THE TIME

24. What cell service do you use? CINGULAR/ ATT

25. Do you like sushi? I USED TO LOVE IT, BUT AM ON HIATUS RIGHT NOW

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident? YES - WALKING UPSTAIRS WITH A LONG SCREWDRIVER AND TRIPPED ANT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. THE SCREWDRIVER LEFT A SCRATCH JUST NEXT TO MY EYE AND GOING AWAY. I REALIZED HOW EASILY I COULD HAVE DIED. OH, YEAH - I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE, HAVE TOTALLED 2/3 CARS, AND ALMOST FELL SIDEWAYS DOWN THE STAIRS DURING PILATES ON THURSDAY

27. What do you wear to bed? USED TO BE NOTHING, BUT NOW IS A 100% CASHMERE PANTS AND TOP

28. Been caught stealing? NO :)

29. What shoe size do you have? 7.5

30. Do you truly hate anyone? AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT, GUESS NOT B/C I WISH NO HARM ON THEM

31. Classic Rock or Rap? CLASSIC ROCK MOST DEF

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? JUST ONE? ANGELINA JOLIE AND (USED TO BE TOM CRUISE BUT ICH) JAKE GLYENHALL, YEAH WHATEVER ON SPELLING

33. Favorite Song? SO MANY - "COME TOGETHER -BEATLES" AND "MISTY MNTN HOP - ZEPPELIN" AND "BOBBY MG GEE - JOPLIN"

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror? HELL YEAH - NAKED AND IN HEELS PROBABLY TOO

35. What food do you find disgusting? LIVER, FOIS GRASS, VEAL

36. Do you sing in the shower? YES - TRY ELLA, BUT I SUCK...

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"? NOT THAT I REMEMBER

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? NO

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? DON'T REMEMBER...

40. Have you ever been punched in the face? NO

OK!! Let me know if you thief it !!!



now YOUR turn - comment

getting back into this!

Posting that is - a few of you may have noticed that of recently I have like tripled my posting (BTW - love that commercial about "things like don't happen - they either do or they don't/ CRASH!)

I just finished reading an article in the Dec. 2005 issue of Playboy about Marilyn Monroe's death. It really made it seem more like a homicide than a suicide. They (whoever "they" is) are trying to exhume the body.

What struck home is that she OD'd on barbituates. I had just as many of those (maybe even more) lying around. Just thought the anti-anxiety would work better....

So again, I am alive because of a poor choice of drug use. Yay I guess.


now YOUR turn - comment!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

TMI

Just now, tonight, while taking my nightly sleeping pills, I discovered something interesting and new. One (or perhaps just I) cannot fart and swallow at the same time. I had the nastiest tasting pills and water in my mouth when the mood to fart hit me - I couldn't swallow! Had to wait for fart.... How odd... Kinda reminds me of how pigeons always poop with one leg up - maybe they do it and then kinda lean to the side and poop away from the leg on the ground; that way they don't get poop on the ground leg. Ten years after observing that and I JUST found maybe a viable reason for it. Neat.

now YOUR turn - comment

Sunday, July 30, 2006

instant headaches gonna getcha

Pissed off, angry, but not quite ready for another attempt on my life. So I figure, hurricane season is here...time to test the floor to ceiling windows..... With my head.... Yeah, I know I am 2 years old again.... Damn they bounce when whacked with noggin though! And you know, if youve ever lost your shit like that, you dont really think "gee, this might give me a really bad headache" when all I really wanted to do was crash through the window. I lie. I just write these things because I think them A LOT. But just because I think them, does not mean I will go through with them. I cant stand the thouoght of hurting my family again that way..... OMG - speaking of family, my dad wants to get the Maserati Quatrroporte. I get all giddy everytime I think of it....Of course my mom is dead set against it. I figure that if you have driven nothing but Mercedes' since like 1981, the price difference almost makes up for the extreme luxury, insane inlaid wood in the dash; incredible leather work, not to forget the fact that its a fucking MASSERATI!!! Massing seats, rear seat fold down tables... Oh yeah, i know, poor me, why suicidal?? Parents have money - live in a kick ass condo - trust me, I wonder too. I figure money is only a big thing when you dont have enough of it, and I have been there too. I am usually too proud to take $ from parents (obviously rule does not apply to realestate) and would work many dbls and a few triples when I needed extra money.

Update to previous post bout "Lost Coňos". I wrote my first ever song. A variation of "wish you were", but way more on the lost, angry, suicidal side. Would SO love to hear a bastardized punk version of "wish you were".... Just so you know, this "version" has been the soundtrack of my brain for about 5 years now. I think it would be so cathartic to just scream out my innermost feelings and most horrible thoughts to a bunch of strangers. Just hope I have the voice for it. I think I have the balls for it - the first time I wailed into a mike - what a rush!

wasn't going to but here is how it kinda goes:

Oh, how I wish I was gone
I'm just a poor lost soul trapped in the fishbowl of my brain
going over the same old shit, the same old FUCKING CRAP, DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK, MONTH AFTER MONTH.....
GOD DAMN, HOW I WISH I WAS FUCKING GONE!

No more pain; no more fear; NO FUCKING MORE! FUCK NO! I CANT TAKE IT; I WONT TAKE IT; FUCK YOU!!! FUCK IT; FUCK IT ALL!.....

Ya gotta make the punk potty mouth - sounds much better screaming. Probably the only place we can get a gig is Churchills .

Will let you know as soon as anything develops! Yes - you 4 readers out there - if you don't already know me, you can meet THE MISH, although the person on stage is a really, really fun acting job....

I wrote the song yesterday, and am not looking at what I wrote, so this is some sort of variation.... Perhaps if I just kept writing it about 10 times I could review all of them and pick the best parts or each...

Would love suggestions so fucking comment dammit!!!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

good dogs

I just came back from a walk. There is a hummer outside of the garage b/c it doesn't fit! Little dog first peed on it - slightly mortified in case the owner was watching, but no one yelled at me. Then big dog peed in the exact same place (he isn't very original). I was so proud of my babies - piss on all the hummers you want, you good environmental dogs!

Monday, June 26, 2006

backwards technology

We don't have a cordless phone. They all got fried during a storm many moons ago. I guess I am too clinically depressed, antisocial, and maybe also lazy to get a new system.
I was talking on the phone w/ my mom and she wanted to review some web pages with me. At first I thought I couldn't b/c laptop was by couch and the phone in near the breakfast table.
Then it hit me. Duh. I have wifi - I can move the computer, then it hit me - how backwards, my computer is totally portable but none of my (ahem) 2 phones are. A wee bit retarded....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

the time of year that rolls around the same day every year

When you add a number to your age. This time I turn 32. So far its been nice. We had a fathers day/birthday get-to-gether at my parent's house, and my husband is taking me on a 3 night vacation so a surprise destination. I only know it is on the west coast of FL and is driving distance, and i need to pack heels and hiking shoes. I also know we will have a king size bed. Those are nice.
Its also Paul McCartney's b-day. He is turning 64 and going though a divorce. It is so sad considering the song "will you still need me, will you still feed me,when I'm sixty-four."

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Friends (and somehow car crash got worked into this)

I am not the type of person that makes friends with people. Generally, it would be more appropriate to say that people befriend me.
I guess I am shy and more introverted than I used to be. Plus I live in a bldg with mostly rich people, and I am not one of them. When I was in school, before college, I guess I was a "rich" kid b/c I drove a Mercedes - not bought for me, it was given to our family as repayment for a loan - they tried to sell it but were real lazy about it. I drove it most of the time, and it was finally given to me on Xmas of my senior year. Santi gave me a car CD player but I did not have a car, that was when my parents had decided that I could have the Benz. It was a sweet car. From Europe, so in km and a 5 speed which Mercedes did not make in the USA, and it was a convertible! I had it until Jan. 17 2003 when (name removed b/c i was a complete and total dumbass to put it in - see what happens when you go on a rant) made a left hand turn into me one early morning but really a late nite for me. Luckily, I had 2 cops for witness and luckily, they never looked into my car where the band-aid (the metal kind) box filled with the previous camping trips' joints had exploded everywhere. They just told me to clean it out and get it ready for the tow truck.
Yeah, I know - how could there be any left after camping - try camping with your dorm and almost everyone is in the Greek system, and friend and I were not.(guess what - a tangent w/in a tangent - i got me some writing skillz)
Me and Nina (someone else who befriended me. i first thought she was annoying as hell but then she grew on my. Plus we really partied well together. We bonded while leaving a car stuck in traffic on Ocean Drive to pee behind a tree. I still call her a friend. So odd after my first impression of her. OH SHIT - BILL GATES IS LEAVING MICROSOFT IN(7/2008)SO HE CAN FOCUS ON CHARITY, AND POST OF CEO NOW - HE ROCKS!!!! Just heard that on the news. Nice. Nina - she is still a bit annoying, most of my friends cant stand her, but i still like her, though i did want to strangle her during my bachelorette party. Back to car accident -
Eeeccchh, that was a bad night. Started with like 5 people sitting on the couch getting high and holding a broomstick across us. Someone said "hey, this is like a Disney ride!" Someone else said "hey lets go - if we leave now we will get there about an hour BEFORE they open" - yeah, don't do drugs I know. And the kicker - 6 people in a big Volvo. Now this was early 93 - volvo's weren't big and certainly not bit enough to hold 6 comfortably for a 4-5 hour ride. So we drove about an hour, realized our stupidity, and turned back.
Then I left UM, drove to my boyfriends home (whom I had informed via answering machine just a few hours earlier that I was going to Disney....) and BAAM. Kinda felt it coming. I was in the left lane and there was a long and full turn lane for the left, thereby making oncoming traffic that wanted to make a left blind to their oncoming traffic (me). I noticed that a blind turn was coming up ahead but was still surprised by the bam into the driver side door. I wasn't wearing a seat belt and was heading towards a phone pole - thoughts - oh shit I am going to die- I turned the wheel away, though I don't think it did anything because I was in a skid but who knows because I ended up hitting a building, but only lightly because I shattered a high curb around it. Lady at Farm Stores (building hit) had the fucking nerve to yell at me for breaking the damn curb. I was like talk to that bitch over there.
I had locked my arms up so my body didn't hit anything, but couldn't push open a door for almost a week after. Mercedes' also have a really large (I don't know - lower dashboard?) below the steering wheel. I cracked it in half with my knees and ripped my jeans. Still have bad knees.... When I stopped moving, I remember the stereo, which had been skipping, started up again with Toad the Wet Sprocket. Never felt the same way about them again.
I just kept thinking - want to kill the bitch! The door handle didn't work, so I had to use both legs to kick the door open. When I got out my light was red, and I had a small second of holy shit did "I" run the light? Instantly a young man told me that he saw the whole thing and it was totally not my fault. I so wanted to kill the lady that hit me, or at least bitch her out, but by the time I got out of the car there were already 2 police cars on the scene. Quite confusing - this was way before everyone had a cell phone. Those were the two that had witnessed the accident - they were having coffee in a BK parking lot. I was talking to the cops while Sandra K. West was carted off in an ambulance - she hit her head - airbags were new then. The cops loved me, ripped jeans, nose ring, and grateful dead shirt and all. We were talking school and all sorts of shit. Then my parents showed up. Ahhh.... First words out of my mother's mouth "don't have kids, they're not worth it". Lovely. Didn't talk to her for about a month. It was all, hi mother, is dad home? OK, I'll call back then. Bye. Click.

Whew - incredibly long tangent over - back to friends. Ok - left off thinking about rich people.
Though many consider me one, those that don't really know me, I don't think I like rich people. Not all, but some. They have attitude, airs, all designer, and are all plastic - oh yeah - really ugly designer shit. So I don't talk much to people in my building. When I go to the beach I take a book or depending on the sun my laptop (yay! for beach wifi) and am usually topless. Result - people notice me, but never talk to me which suits me just fine. But every so often I realize that I should make friends with people who live here - it would just be so convenient. I meet people on elevators that seems cool but we spend like minute together.
Today after pilates, an older French woman befriended me. I heard her talking about how she used to be a professional skier and just wanted to let her know how awesome I thought that was. Well, she is older, but her body is rocking, she has had a face lift, botox and something horrible done to her lips. So she is like a young older woman. She is also French, like husband, so something else in common. We started talking about accuptuncture and bad knees (she wants to recommend me to the best knee surgeon in USA who is NYC - out of price range - I think so. Then she started inviting me places. NICE places. Like one of the most exclusive spas in Miami - I could come as her guest. Then the kicker - she invited me to a party at the old Versace mansion. I was like, she is so out of my league. I have no money. I have nothing in common with rich people. I don't think I like them. I don't think they know what the other 99.9% of the world (well I guess America) lives like. Well, I guess we both share a love of Mercedes', but I doubt I would ever buy one unless I had tons of money -at least 10 times what the car is. Strange, the highly accented and plastic older woman (I think older than my mom unless too much work can actually make you look older simply b/c you look scary) was Kinda interesting and she seemed really interested in getting to know me.
But as I am writing this, I realize why not. Bucking take the chance. My birthday is in a few days so I owe myself a new dress anyway. Hmmm - thinking Loehman's tomorrow. Then maybe tomorrow night I just might be schmoozing with the rich and fabulous. I mean in almost a year, this is the first female to make a serious opportunity to befriend me. She even made sure we exchanged numbers and apts. So I guess the ball is in my court now. I gotta call her. God I suck at calling people. Never used to be scared of unfamiliar things - don't like this about me now. Have to leave my comfort zone. I am still just an anxious, moody, depressed, ball of nerves and that needs to change so badly. On the outside, I probably look better than I ever have before and transversely on the inside, I KNOW I have never felt worse. I guess about a year ago - wow that long - I felt worse. But I definitely have not progressed as I should have. I just bought a few memoirs by people who also tried to commit suicide. I hope I glean inspiration or just a giant kick in the ass from them.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

dontcha hate it when

I just typed which is for me a pretty long email. Tearful, apologetic, emotional. It fucking took a lot to write it and I was so - well, a little proud of myself for it. And then I hit send. And gmail and IE are not talking tonight on my computer so I am SOOL. Ok, so I will save it for later. Same damn message. I hate that I really don't understand how these things work. But I would rather learn how a car works; what a handy skill that would be - fixing cars.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

poetry spam

unknown lumps and bumps
dizzy head
cant stand walk long
stairs bad
numb leg
nerve wrong
smellow yellow
3 dr
1 month
all is good or not
out of all hands now
play waiting game
how i hate games

PT II

yelling screaming
locked doors
cant go
trapped
stops
get things
run
fight
hurt
embarrass
die
no fone
no cab
no home
no home
no home
no life
WHORE
running
used to be so many trees
so well lit
cant hide
hurricane pile (1st time ever want more)
can see around will look
no phone.....
helpless
do what told
quiet
anger
rage
fury
hate
run
not
run
want to
quiet
bitch
sorry babies - gotta run
4 me
cant take
no think
running
dizzy
faint
tunnel vision
run till fall
head opens
useless brains on ground
firemen come
spray into manhole
bad side of job
cry
sleep
forever
quiet
dont worry, be happy
easy
head - wha-wha-wha always
sucks
anxiety
panic
yes
ms
NOT
what life?
montel
annette
do well
and I?
dont know
wont have to know
cant have to know
have to know
pills
balconys
semis
guns
no helmet
pain
tears
$$$
CANT
WONT
EVER
AGAIN
but who can tell the future
sniff

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Do-Rae-Me-Fa-So-La

I am in a punk band! Sure its just locals, and just some friends, but isnt that how they all start. I am (upon view) just a sweet little girl, but man, put a mike in my hand and that shit changes. It was the first time a live mike was in my hand. When one cant sing, one screams (least in my case). These guys have tried to blow an amp, but only my sexy, guttural, screams of death, dick, pussy, and distruction can blow it. I love impressing the guys. I can belt it out just like the devil herself, unfortunatly not like Ella. I love her music, but cant sing the shit out of it. Her voice is just so beautiful, soulful, and somewhat haunting. But, I, on the other hand HAVE GUTTURAL SCREAMS! Now, what could be better than that. If it sticks around long enough and we get some songs together, and some places to play (i got friends in the music scene :) )i can get a slew of new tatoos and new hair colors. It just seems like so much fun. I am also hoping to showcase some of my photos. Again, the juxtaposition of mad, angry, growling punk with lovely shots of intricate , delicate flowers. I guess the target audience wont be interested in both though. I am happier about this than anything else since i awoke in the hospital. Thinking what to wear on stage.... Go punk? or go innocent? I love Gwen Stefani's earlier look, when she was all girly. I can picture my self all prim and proper in Ann Taylor being punk, but at the same time in all black with ripped everything. I am thinking punk would be better b/c i hate heels and Ann Taylor goes best with heels, not that that has prevented me from wearing nothing but flip flops for about a year. My toes have actually spread out. I also have to wear heels sometimes around the house just to keep my legs and feet ready for those inevitable time that i must dress up. But i do love dressing up. When I go punk, its like i go back 6-10 years in time. Almost 32 and PUNK!!! HE-HE
PS - THE NAME:
Los Coños (figure out what it means yourself!)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

be careful what you wish for

For months I have been waiting for a good beach day. My summer tan had faded and I just needed to feel the sun beating down on my accompanied by the soothing crashing waves. The weekdays have been perfect. But every weekend, it either goes into the 70's and kicks up a cool wind, rains, or I have something to do. Not today. A nice breeze but the sun was stronger (there I days I layed out in a sweatsuit just to feel the sun - I really like it), by beach chair was right smack in front of the ocean. I had a National Geographic that I never opened. I went to sleep faster than I can ever recall. I turned in somewhat regular intervals. I stayed from 12 -3. I made a big mistake. Because all my previous efforts had almost been humorous I skipped the sunblock. I hate tan lines so I usually wear strapless tops when I have to. Now I know why I can never find them - they leave THE UGLIEST tan lines. And I am not tan. I am Indian red (though I think crayola went PC and stopped using that particular name for that color). I am in a wee bit amount of pain. I hope it doesn't get worse. I feel like an idiot - just some white cream and my chances for skin cancer wouldn't have just increased. I think real proof of a deep burn/tan is when the bows from your bikini bottom are part of your burn/tan line.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

heard on NPR

one tequilla - just enough
two tequilla - too much
three tequilla - not enough

one tequilla
two tequilla
three tequilla
floor

I love both, but the first rings so true.

Friday, February 10, 2006

too easy...

While "discussing" the incident during the recent state of the union speech in which one woman wearing a t-shirt with message (some republican senator or something's wife) was escorted from the premises, and another woman wearing another t-shirt with message (a protester) was arrested, my mother firmly agreed that freedom of speech is not allowed at a state of the union address... Almost funny if it wasn't so sad. If that would be the case someone really ought to censor the main speaker. He can be such an idiot.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

the cats regulate


It's generally always like Animal Planet in my home but I just saw the real thing. My husky, Jackson, started to chase my little white scaredy-kitty, Suzi. As I yelled at Jackson, Cosmo, the Maine Coon cat, leapt off the couch and followed. I was wondering why he wanted to get in the middle of that until I saw Jackson backing out of the room into a corner of the living room with a very angry Cosmo, hissing, snarling, and occasionally swiping guiding the way. I have never seen a dog back down so contritely. That should definitely help put an end to the Suzi chasing around here.