this is Kiwi

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sob, sob

Today I had my mattress delivered. It has a foam top and totally rocks. Cant wait to try it out. My old, but still rather new mattress got destroyed when the roof sprung a leak/downpour/i dont know - wasnt there.
So I get to the house in the morning to let in the waiting delivery guys (i gave them a big tip for waiting) and the first thing i see is water all over the dining room floor. That damn AC froze and leaked everywhere. I ruined my brand new never lived in bamboo floors. Ruined. Before I moved in - boo! The ceiling is also pretty ruined. The townhouse was almost done and now it needs so much more work. BOO! I am consequently pretty bummed out today. After reading and laughing and about Dooce's relatively tame bathroom remodel I thought i would share my much more damaging sob story.




Here is a picture I am taking to 16 x 20 and putting in my dining room. I love it and it makes me smile. Taken in El Junque, Puerto Rico.

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now tell me how awesome it is

wind

I love me some good stormy weather, but when i hear howling wind i get a little pit of anxiety in my stomach. Damn all those hurricanes, but tropical storms - they rock. Of course now that i am going to have a garden, that might change.

town house under construction

Hi!

its almost done! Here are some pics my boyfriend took today. When all is ready i will post more. too bad i don't have any before shots.


This is the beautiful light i have hanging over the spiral staircase. I have another one just outside my bedroom door. I cant tell you how much i love these lights.





tis the living room looking at the kitchen




this is the master bathroom sink area - they installed the sinks incorrectly - they are supposed to rest on top of the granite - boo!




this the master bedroom looking up at the loft





this is the loft/office




this is the front patio. my friend the landscape designer has designed a gorgeous garden for me.



This my kitchen from the living room. I really LOVE my kitchen :]




This is from the kitchen looking into the dining room

my parents are rich

which works out well for me. I am pretty dirt poor. Never quite recovered from an unfortunate incident a few years ago. If it wasnt for mom and dad i would most absolutely be homeless. I have thought that for so long but seeing it makes me wonder. I could be using them as a crutch...but i can see my self being evicted and living in a park or somewhere too embarrassed, ashamed, and mostly depressed to call anyone for help. Just accepting that as something else that I could not change. But thats bullshit. I need to change. I can change. I really must. I cant go on like this; living in a sort of limbo where only the days change. I need to jump up and wake up and take the reins back; pick them up off the floor where i dropped them.

But just musing... It feels so different, putting it all out there. I think it all the time but reading it really makes me realized how stupid it is...or not. I am unemployed and I need to get over my damn anxiety and get a stupid job. I used to love working, well at least the money :) Getting a job would do so much for me. I just need to overcome this giant pit of anxiety that evolves in my stomach each time I think of getting a job. AARRRGGGG!!!!! Its so ridiculous, but at the same time it is what it is.

This barely made sense to me. Goodnight