Back from France - Mother in law dead

It sucks, really sucks. I am not religious so I don't give into that bullshit that it was for a reason, it was her time, etc...

it wasn't her time. She was simply phobic of doctors and never had her cancer looked after until it was too late. She had about 12 surgeries in about 20 days and died of a heart attack. Not in her sleep.

I feel sooo bad for my poor Charlie. He really loved his mommy. It is strange but I have never cried so much at a funeral before. I didn't know her that well, and wasn't sure how much I liked her (everytime she saw me she said I should lose some weight and I don't consider myself fat).

She also expressed absolute surprise that I don't cook dinner every night for her son, nor do I do his ironing. I had to kindly explain to her that he arrives home (mine completely by the way) from work on the average about 2 hours before me. I am a working woman, a kind of creature she wasn't too knowledgeable about.

I am talking smack but she didn't need to die. I cant tell his family this but I feel that the clinic she was at royally fucked up. After her first (of MANY) intestinal surgery the first solid food they gave her was Picadillo - a Spanish dish made of ground beef, olives, raisins, and onions. That's right - beef - after having parts of her intestine removed. When I saw that I wondered what kind of quack hospital is this.

After the emergency surgeries started becoming alarmingly frequent I was very worried but still utterly shocked when I got the call that his mamman had died (they are French). She was only 56 and a sexy an vivacious woman. The dress she had bought to wear to our wedding was a slinky little number with cut-outs on the side and very low cut.

Instead she wears it for eternity.

I wanted to see her in that dress but I couldn't because to ship some one who has died (cant say "body") you have to put them in a sealed casket lined with lead. No open casket at this funeral.

I hate American funeral wreaths. I find them repulsive, not to mention tacky. The French ones are nice though. They are more like bouquets and baskets, not these monstrous round banner and flower covered plaques we use in the states.

I want to keep going but am at work and feel as if I will break down any minute now. I hope to continue this later.

Not very cheery.