Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Yesterday I didn't feel well so I went home early. I put together some furniture to store my overwhelming amount of shoes (target rocks!) and then I took what was supposed to be a nap. BF tried to wake me up at 7 but like no way in hell was that going to happen. I finally woke up around midnight when he went to bed. I woke up angry. He didn't make me any dinner, and he let me sleep the night away. He also didn't take out the garbage. 
 Now he says I should not say fuck.....He suddenly wants me to be this lady that I am not. I may look like one but I truly do have a sailor mouth. I have had one for over 10 yrs (I am currently 29). Yeah cursing isn't professional, but everyone does it. I want to say shit fuck and damn just to rebel against his wanting to change me. But in a way I think he is kinda right. I always find myself cursing around little kids and then feeling like shit for it. And I want to have some eventually - it seems like half my friends are pregnant now. Except for Julie. She had a miscarriage - I have to call her but I don't know what to say. She is a great sweet caring considerate person, I can now see that all this pales in comparison to her being more than slightly anal about mostly everything, she did not deserve to lose the baby she wanted. She only told me b/c I asked her to be my bridesmaid and she gave me a warning that I would have a pregnant bridesmaid. I thought that would be great. I feel so bad for her.
I think my writing sucks.
No transitions.
All stream of conscious.
Sorry for anyone who has stumbled onto this project.
Its like I don't know what "transition" means anymore.
Or I guess I just don't give a fuck.
I will just write my fucks instead of saying them - not a bad idea I think.
I feel like I am writing for an audience.
I don't know how I feel about that.
I should do more actual work - must bug the Japanese now!