Thursday, January 29, 2004



What is the point of spending your whole day at work to buy stuff that you never have time to enjoy because you are always at work.

That is how I feel about FH. He is always working - but for what?

Money? You really don't need that much of it to have a good life.

I used to be a waitress. I lived in Richmond, VA and would always go to the Blue Ridge Mtns b/c I only worked 4 days one week and 5 days the next. But I had my days off. I miss those days.

Now I work for the family business. I live in a $300,000 townhouse and I drive a purple (fav color) convertible Mercedes.

OOOHH, AAHHH....Do these things make me happy?


I want my life back. I hate the petty details of my job. I want the freedom to pick my own schedule.

I can move to Montana, West Virginia - they have cheap land.

I could get a stress free job - I give damn good massages but am somewhat scared of fat old men. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

I read in Playboy that Darryl Hannah lives off the grid. She grows her own vegetables, has 100% solar power, has many acres that she can run around naked in.


I am so jealous of her. I wonder if I have a jealousy problem. It sometimes seems like other peoples lives are better than mine.

On the outside mine looks great, but I guess it is getting better on the inside.

I, female - 29 1/2, am getting married in 30 days and am terrified of losing my independence.

My fiance -male - almost 24 isn't scared at all - or so he says.

I think it is easier when you are younger. You don't know all that is out there (not that I do, but I do know more than him). Things are more black and white when you are younger. You have yet to experience the horrible pitfalls life will throw at you. You are more optimistic (at least he is).

I used to be a glass is half full kinda person, now I am a let me see the glass and then we talk kinda person.

its like I trust nothing.

I hate to think it is b/c of what happened 11 years ago. What kind of sorry ass loser would that make me?

I sometimes feel dead inside. Other times, I feel horribly angry and don't want anyone near me - NOBODY

I hate that side of my self.

its like I am only happy when I am on vacation.

That brought a smile to my face. In a month I will be on my way to Amsterdam, Paris, and who knows where else!! I CANT FUCKING WAIT!!!!


I feel incredible guilt when I take time off from my job. Is that common?

My new mantra (at times) is "I don't care, whatever works for you is fine". It feels damn good when I believe it. This attitude has to be applied when planning a large wedding in conjunction w/ a mother that you never really got along w/ in the first place.

Mantra is the band playing at the wedding. They are awesome. FH(future husband) and I first heard them emanating from the library. We were on our way to the museum, but heard this great jazz. We had to find the source. We were not disappointed.

A few months later we went to a march against crime and drugs (crack and cocaine - I fully support Marijuana) and they were the band playing at the rally after. How odd, we never go out to hear music - very bad on our parts I know - but we randomly hear the best band ever twice?

Right then we decided that they HAD to play the wedding.

Price was right, and so they are!

I guess that is what $ is good for.

I sound like such a spoiled brat, but I really am not - I swear.

I lived in the ghetto and loved it. I had a dog - MISHA - and people in that hood were scared of her. No joke - one night around 4am I was walking her after work and 4 guys crossed the street to avoid US! I am 5'1" and they were all like 6' or over. It was sooo funny.

Damn, I still miss that sweet dog.

if only you could see her angelic yet devilish face.

All except for small prey loved her.

Its late again, must go home and address the rest of the invites.

I like this getting shit off my chest thing.

Kinda scary to put myself out there, but it feels good.

I got my first comment (thanks IA) and it felt much better than I thought it would.

I even would like or love criticism - only if valid though. Tell me I am full of BS and to get over myself. It sounds better coming from strangers.