Saturday, January 26, 2008

I am odd.

Down on south beach with the most beautiful and wonderful Julie, we passed a club playing 80's rock. I fucking love it! I got id'd at the door and then realized that if I know all the words to almost every song you are playing, there is no way I would be under 21. But i would have gotten pissed if he didnt ask for it.

Some people have a mental filter. When I drink, mine don't work too well. As I was leaving, I asked where I was and what the name was. Between 12th and 13th (dont remember what st. exactly, but I can figure it out) and it's called Felt.

"Cool, I like 13 and I love to be felt so I can remember this easy"

And dammit, I hurt a really old friend by being an idiot. I am sorry to have brought your pain back to the surface. I really am. I read what you post and I cant help but cry every time. But then most anything can make me cry. I guess not really. I have not cried that much lately. Cant say I have been happy. Just dont think about things. Still with the whole life is great till I think about it thing. I can cry for other peoples pain, but mine seems so vast and deep inside that I cant even touch it. I just know it's there. And I should deal with it. But it is so much easier to ignore it. My main reason for not killing myself is that I live by myself and take care of 3 cats and a dog. If I were to die, then they would too, and that final thought just kills me. I could never be selfish enough to let 4 animals starve to death... But I was selfish enough to try and I need to get over that already. MOVE ON! IT IS THE PAST! GET OVER YOURSELF! if only it was that easy...

How did I let such a fun and great night turn into a sad pathetic post? It was nice to get out :) And very nice to see the sun rise.