Saturday, August 14, 2004

What Kind of Condo Pool Closes at 7?

So its saturday night, I cleaned all day (yah!) and finally got in the mood to be social and he didnt answer the phone. He is my parents godson someone I consider to be a cousin. F is out of town for the week so I feel like I should be interacting w/ people. I hate this stupid "social anxiety." I feel like people think I dont like them, when in reality I am just plain scared - like a little sissy. OK - I am being harsh but I need to slap some sense into myself. I have a good life. I am loved by many. Hell, I even the fortunate advantage of being good looking and beliving it more often that not. Please dont think I am vain - just what people tell me and I sometimes see in the mirror. If I ever manage to get pictures up here ya'll think I am lying b/c I cant take a good picture for the life of me. Ironically enough, my passport picture is my favorite one and I have to renew it I think this year. I was wondering where I was before I went off on this tangent and realized I was in the midst of really poo-poo depressing shit.

Phone is ringing!

He will be here in 1/2 an hour and comment on my cleaning efforts. I might not have mentioned this before, but I am ashamed to admit that I am a well, lets face it, a slob to an abnormal degree. I do believe that if I get my living condition in order, the rest will follow. A clean home should lead to a clean mind right? I dont mind cleaning, I actually kinda like it - I just really suck at putting things away and organizing. I doesnt hurt that both F and I are on the packrat side. Sooo tempting to throw away some of his really old stuff that has been in boxes since he moved in, but I know certain things are special to me and I might toss something really special to him....

I am in a mellow mood so tonight we are going to my parents condo on the beach (a designer, if a bit to pristine, paradise high up in the sky away from the real world) to watch a movie, smoke some good pot, and take a jump in the ocean/and or hot tub. The fucking pool closes at 7pm. Can you believe that bullshit?

I believe if I were to reread this (which I wont), I would think myself a bit on the manic side - but maybe not.

I really cant believe that the pool closes at 7.

I lied - just reread, but didnt change anything, except for grammatical shit. Dont think I sound too manic. Think I was honest yet didnt crucify myself -perhaps in a plea for "oh, its OK, youre normal". I am trying to get to point where I tell my friends about this and not be ahsamed for what I write while keeping it as honest a possible. I dont see it happening, but ya never know.

I promise - next post will be about a vaction that started very bad, but endend very good.

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."