Monday, October 24, 2005


Many changes. So many. Katrina dropped a beautiful large tree that made our driveway what it was. Where we lived we lost power and cable so we went to Miami Beach where surprisingly enough there was power and cable. The "we" didn't last too long. Too much fighting. I decided that we (mainly I) needed a break. I needed peace and quiet and solitude. I feel that a few months ago I fell of the horse called Life, and I am still scared to get back on. It feels like it's something I have to do by myself, though sadly I am still stalled. I first few months after I liked going my shrink b/c I KNEW I HAD to get better, but now I am back to not knowing what to talk about. Its like I am paying someone to look at me trying to talk for half an hour. When I do get on a talking roll and he doesn't have a following appt he does extend mine w/o charge though. Its weird - I sometimes slip and call that day the day I killed myself though I am obviously still alive and bitching. Doesn't seem to healthy does it.....But I did make a great new friend. The Ocean. It has given me a great body. Almost as good as when I was 21 - 10 YEARS AGO! Not only did I lose fat, I have muscle in my arms! The Ocean -she resists me, shoots stinging water up my sinuses, but still softly envelops me with what I feel is a great positive universal energy. I find it mind boggling that little ole me is swimming in this huge gigantic body of water that is literally a primordial soup. Life came from the ocean. Cheesy, but it feels like a womb. I love bobbing like a cork in the waves. So comforting. Unless there is a hurricane near by. I swam daily until H Rita was near. My new found friend, Ocean, would not let me in. I wasn't thinking about swimming, merely getting in. A wave knocked me flat on my back and I had to fight like hell to stay on the shore. I liked it and proceeded to let Ocean Waves to pound me as I walked along the shore. The power of water fascinates me. That day I did some laps in the pool and was put off by the chorine. I cant believe how attached I have become to the beach. I used to love pools and now, well quite frankly, they suck. Unless you see sharks which I have not, though others have. And jellyfish - those fuckers scare almost more than sharks b/c they're damn near invisible w/ tentacles that can reach 10 Ft. Bastards. But I figure I gotta go swimming at least every other day so I wont feel it when the water gets colder. When I lived in VA I used to go swimming every Christmas - last year I thought it was too cold in October. When someone tells me its cold that day I just run for the shore and dive right into a wave. Its so much fun. I used to be one of those sissies who go in little by little. Jumping right in is so much better - got to stretch that theory to LIFE.
Which some way or another brings me to the here and now. I am currently in a beach front condo on the 26th floor - where my sideways picture was taken(actually 25th b/c there is no 13 - so all you people on the 14th stop kidding yourself - doesn't matter what its called - it is what it is) on the north west facing corner which is good for this hurricane because the strongest winds are coming from the south east. This bitch has been really annoying. Almost 24 hr storm footage since TUESDAY. Some poor people evacuated Key West on WEDNESDAY. I cant imagine spending so much time in a shelter, it seems like it might be worse than the mental hospital with all the nervousness and anxiety and uncertainty brewing with so many people in such close quarters. We Americans like our personal space - such thing does not exist in Mexico.
I am a bit scared b/c 4 windows in the building did break during Katrina and the apartment is pretty much mostly floor to ceiling windows except for the smaller bedroom where me and the kitties will spend the night. That one has one window that unfortunately wont lock - at least I got it firmly closed for the first time in years. Miami has been over reacting to hurricanes b/c we ignored Katrina and she gave us a big surprise. Hurricanes don't like trees. Even if it is only a category one. Which is what Wilma was supposed to be. She just turned into a 3 - should hit Miami w/in 8 hrs as a 2, hopefully 1, but her damn track changes every half hour. Sometimes she is predicted to go north (sorry Ed) and sometimes she is headed straight to Miami. The higher north she hits the better for the east coast b/c FL is quite narrow at the bottom. Sweet - just saw a projection that takes her pretty north.

Its almost funny. Nobody gave a shit when Katrina passed though until morning when we saw the damage. So many big old trees down. So sad - Miami has the smallest tree canopy out of any major city already. The storms don't help. The houseboat still floats but she has no walls. Its pretty cool. Its like she is unsinkable. We found her pretty much under water - waves were lapping in over 3 sides but she stayed level and her bow was proudly floating. She don't got shit, but she got float, and damn, she got it good. But just as much as we were under-prepared and under-warned for Katrina - the news is making it up for us. Now they send us into a panic if there is a slight chance of any bad weather. It's hitting the other side of the state - you would think that that buffer would mean something but she is moving about 20mph so they say she won't have much time to break up. I shall see by tomorrow afternoon. At least a cold front is following this wind - we on the south side of the storm aren't supposed to get much rain, merely most of the strong winds- so at least we wont be sweating our asses off during clean up.
BTW - have not posted in forever b/c I had no internet or computer in the condo and just get really down when I am in the townhouse. I found a 5yr old laptop in the office closet and as they didn't know it was there they said I could keep it! Helps to be related. My only (ha!) complaint is that it wont hold a charge. A new battery shouldn't cost too much right?
My mom is losing her mind w/ all these damn storms and I think I have finally convinced her to get a summer home in the Blue Ridge or somewhere nearby. I think she's biting! It would be perfect. As soon as June hits you go north and stay till the leaves are done turning to come back south to enjoy the nice Miami winter. Anybody know of anyone who has land w/ lake or large pond in the area?

Just had a brown out so posting - BYE!
Summary - still hiding from life but loving the ocean (w/ tons of sunblock cuz I like looking 25)

More bitching - I can't believe the is a fucking tropical storm ALPHA out there. I don't even hear any wind but the news just said over 1,000,000 were already w/o power in Dade and Volusia counties.

I have faith in this building. AC is good. TV is good. Computer is good. Non broken windows are good. Cable is good. And most of all, nice fat, furry healthy kitties are good. May they all be as good tomorrow afternoon. The flickering lights are bugging me though. OK - new TV update - seems Miami will not see hurricane force winds! Slightly just north of us though. Hope things are good for you Ed and everybody else. Just cuz I am happy does not mean that I don't feel really bad for those north. Just heard a new word - "tornadic conditions". Never have heard that one before. Neither has blogger spell check, but then blogger spell check does not recognize the word "blogger". Are meteorologists making up new words now? Depleting the state of its supply of Xanex isn't enough? Now you gotta make things up??

Update - news people fucked up - not 1,000,000 w/o power just 11,900.
Cool - I went near the big window to kiss the big kitty and saw a transformer blow across Indian Creek. Naturally this led me out to the balcony. As I was looking at all the multi-million $ homes below in the dark their lights popped back on. Lucky bastards but it was damn cool to see. Everyone told me not to go to the beach but I REALLY want to. Only fear is that the elevators will stop working and I will have to do 25 flights or that a coconut will bonk me on the head, but that just might do me some good.

If this post is a sign of anything (I have posted and updated it about 5 times already) you might see something close to daily spewing/posting. Maybe.