Quote & Gross thing that wandered into office

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single kind act is better than a thousand head-bowings in prayer. -Saadi, poet (c. 1200 AD)

Tis why religion blows.
-Mish 2004

Big Ugly Bug

Pretty much says it all. Busy day (as usual) and no time (as usual).

Ok - I have to write more now that I am here. Damn it, I forgot what I felt like writing about. Maybe it will come to me.....

Oh yes - Online Games have replaced my compulsion to read blogs. Now I play chess and backgammon in my not so spare time in hopes of improving the connections in my brain. Reading ALL the time can do a girl no good. Nor can playing online games!

Cheers!


"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

moving...???

NYC has always been the last place I have wanted to live, but quite recently an old roommate and awesome friend said they wanted to move and they wanted me to be their roommate again. They could put up w/ all the fur that travels with me.

I want to seriously get back into the art scene and NYC seems like the perfect place. I complained about the lack of nature, but was reminded of all the parks that abound.

I cant believe it. I am actually thinking of moving to NYC. Said friend has always been a positive influence in my life. In addition, I seem to do better at life when my parents are far away. There it will be sink or swim, and I am so a swimmer. Here I am just floating on a life preserver. My style of living will significantly decrease, but I see much fun on the horizon. The move is scheduled for July, but i still have not made up my mind. But the more I think about it, the better a big change will be. Plus living where seasons actually exist makes me giddy. I also have an aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and their children there so my family will come to NYC for Xmas. But I do love coming home for Xmas and getting a great tan in the middle of winter. OK, the beginning.

picture blog - flowers - from DC

THESE ARE ALL FROM THE SMITHSONIAN...VARIOUS PARTS OF IT. USING THE MACRO

ORCHID

ORCHID LEAF

PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU KNOW

CACTUS FLOWER

COOL GREEN PLANT - WOULD LOVE MORE INFO

DC METRO, YEAH EVERYONE HAS THIS PIC I AM SURE

BROMILEAD

ORCHID!

ORCHID LEAF

ORCHIDS! (! INDICATES MY FAVS)




now YOUR turn - comment, tell me if they are awesome or if i should keep my day job :)

glittery shiny rocks!

Keep in mind I am 5'1" with tiny hands and fingers... Not normally into flashy diamonds but I consider this a piece of art. I used to ask my mom for it nearly every day - it was my regular conversation opener - "hey mom, can I have your ring?". Her father was a jeweler so jewelry is abundant in my family. This is the "cheapest" of her three expensive rings and she only has 2 fingers... Over Xmas she thought she lost it - ended up in her sister's gift bag. She said that the whole time it was lost she kept thinking that she never had a chance to give it to me. So a few weeks later, without my asking, she gave it to me. I had to turn it down a few times because I never really expected to get it. It was just an inside joke to tell her how beautiful I thought it was. Of course I never wear it, unless I am with my mother.

I am finding and finishing my drafts - hence the plethora (comparatively speaking) of posts.

i look young!

I just turned 33 and yesterday someone at the office told my dad that I looked like i was 18 going on 17...whatever that means. Its gotta be the jeans, flip flops, and cute t-shirt that I ALWAYS wear. You gotta love a job where you can bring your dog and wear sweats and everyone says you look great.

i need therapy

This post is to remind me of the above. Well not remind so much, because this is something that I KNOW, but in hopes that mulling it over in writing will make it easier. I find therapy so painful and draining but I hear it does work (says the person w/ a B.A. and a B.S. in psychology). I am horrible at talking because I know it hurts. Christ, I almost just went to Colombia to see a friends therapist, and while I would love to see Medellin, I am loathe to leave Miami for therapy, let alone America. I seem to be in a mood for commas - 4 in one sentence would be a bit much. Most people might correct that, but yeah, I'm not like most people. Something I have come to accept, but with tons of fear. I feel a need to travel. Forever. Constantly. A life time road trip. Or trade car for sailboat. I need someone else for that unfortunately. And I know who, but they don't seem too interested. It always shocks me that I have known them for less than a month. I have to remind myself of that also. Speaking of reminding myself, this is supposed to be about my therapy.
I need a shrink who will MAKE me talk. My last one was great b/c he was all into hypnosis, bio-feedback, past life regression and all sorts of stuff that don't make me talk about what is currently going on. I am too stubborn to be hypnotized - have tried a few times and have never been successful. If I could be hypnotized and be able to talk while asleep and relaxed that would be wonderful. Maybe I will go back to my old shrink and take a xanex beforehand or something that will let my guards down. Cuz my guards resemble impenetrable fortresses.
If/WHEN I do my travel thing, I plan to support myself by being a massage therapist. In Richmond a friend told me that she arrived in Greece w/ $60 and a massage table and stayed for 5 years. That has always made it seem possible, but I am coming around and realizing that it is possible. And it would be the absolute best therapy available in all the world. I just have to find the guts, pay off my debt (which is much easier now that I am working) and save money. Or I could sell my car (most possible) or my townhouse. Thing is my parents bought me both of those and my mom would die if she knew I wanted to sail 'round the world. On the plus side I could convince her that with the townhouse profits I could buy a larger and safer boat w/ all the best equipment......much time has passed.....i just got a call to hang out on south beach at 11:30 and completely changed my normal modus operandi. Though I am in my pj's I decided to say yes and take a shower! Yeah me!!! Seriously. I used to be so spur of the moment I refused to make plans. Now I NEED to know exactly when something is supposed to happen. I liked my old self better and slowly see her coming back!

i wanted to dream....

Just yesterday I was at my psychiatrists office begging for a months worth of sleeping pills so that I could finally get over my nocturnal habits. I want to rejoin normal civilization and sleep at night and wake up in the morning. I also wanted to dream. I almost never dream.
ahhh...last night I had a DREAM. As usual don't remember much about it but the feelings and emotions are so fresh. I had a dream I was depressed and suicidal. How original. In my dream I was in the depths of despair...don't remember why. At least I didn't try to end my life in my dream, though I really wanted to. What I can remember was just crying all the time and really wanting to die. As in the past I had pills and tequila, sadly I now know which ones will and wont do the job and i have both. So I guess the power really is in my hands. DUH. Obviously obvious statement. I did not try to kill myself in the dream so that's a good thing. Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me that I am getting better. Did it have to do it in such a painful dream? I hate bad dreams. They leave me in a funk for hours and I woke up w/ a very STIFF neck. You want me to look to my right - no can do. Ugghhh. So I didn't feel like doing anything all day. Hmm. How unusual. How stupid. I even tried to go against my original instinct, but ruined it.