from my first real boyfriend

he said this always reminded him of me

XXVII

Naked, you are simple as a hand,

minimal, supple, earthy, transparent, round.

The lunar markings, the pathways through the apple,

are yours; naked, you are slender as wheat.



The cuban blue of midnight is your color,

naked, I trace the stars and tendrils in your skin;

naked, you stand tawny and tremendous,

a summer's wholeness in cathedral gold.



Naked,you are tiny as your fingernail;

subtle and curved within the daybreak's pink

you thrust yourself into the subterranean world



a tunnel's length through our duress and clothing:

your clarity trims its flame, unfurls, or covers over,

and again you issue, naked as your hand.



P.Neruda

....swoon....

I was in 7th grade, maybe 9th? And totally thought i was fat, but in retrospect i wasnt.

Also the the other night I had dinner w/ someone from the building. We were in the elevator together and he asked me if i wanted to grab some pizza, I was starving so i said sure. He introduces me to everyone as "the prettiest girl in the building". After dinner we watched a movie at him place. It was pretty slow paced so I had a lot of time to talk. He is a doctor. I asked him a question he couldnt answer and was quite impressed. I love the moment of discovery when someone realizes I am smart. When I was 20, and I guess a lot cuter someone actually said, wow, you dont look smart. He said most girls in miami are so cardboard and i must agree w/ him there. The thing is I dont play the game. I look good, but i dont wear make-up, I wear heels like once a month and i live in flip flops or boots depending on the weather. Well, so now I am not only the prettiest girl in the building, I am also the smartest one. Right On!

turkey day

this was going to be my first one alone. yeah, i could call people - but i am one damn stubborn lady. I once got fired from a pizza place b/c i did not know how to ask for help. Mmm, will eat that pizza soon! It's Bottoms Up in RVA. Hell, even if it was just me and my ex, it felt alone. But this was going to be my very first one alone. I figured hell, I have wanted the world to leave me alone, and i guess i got what i wanted. Well to be fair, not really. Its all a result of poor planning. Was going to spend tonight at a potluck dinner in Brunswick, GA at The Hostel in the Forest. poor planning ruined it all. They dont allow dogs and I could not find a boarder that was open on thursday. So i just decided to stay put...wait for the sadness to pass....drink and take anti-anxiety stuff...to forget that even though i have a giant family and invites (but these were from friends i sleep with) that i kinda decided, by not making a decision, to spend today, like most other days, alone. Then my Jay called. He is a truck driver so i thought he would be alone today also. But no - he is in miami! And invited me to kenny's thanksgiving! I went to nursery school w/ Jay and Kenny so I really feel like they are family. This is going to be fun and different. Kennys (ha-ha little no more) sister will be there with her long time husband aka high school boyfriend and their toddler daughter. I get to spend it w/ family that I feel are mine, but a different kind. There is no doubt that any of them would not be invited to our turkey day it it was here...

sigh...there are pretty fall leaves to be seen and am just loving the incredible weather here. Like wonderful beach weather. Makes it too easy to forget what i am missing. Thank you so much Jay for calling, and thank you me for answering. And thank you Kenny for having me. You guys rock so damn much!!!!!!!!!

So i guess Happy Thanksgiving Day to all!!!

i look young!

I just turned 33 and yesterday someone at the office told my dad that I looked like i was 18 going on 17...whatever that means. Its gotta be the jeans, flip flops, and cute t-shirt that I ALWAYS wear. You gotta love a job where you can bring your dog and wear sweats and everyone says you look great.