I am odd.

Down on south beach with the most beautiful and wonderful Julie, we passed a club playing 80's rock. I fucking love it! I got id'd at the door and then realized that if I know all the words to almost every song you are playing, there is no way I would be under 21. But i would have gotten pissed if he didnt ask for it.

Some people have a mental filter. When I drink, mine don't work too well. As I was leaving, I asked where I was and what the name was. Between 12th and 13th (dont remember what st. exactly, but I can figure it out) and it's called Felt.

"Cool, I like 13 and I love to be felt so I can remember this easy"

And dammit, I hurt a really old friend by being an idiot. I am sorry to have brought your pain back to the surface. I really am. I read what you post and I cant help but cry every time. But then most anything can make me cry. I guess not really. I have not cried that much lately. Cant say I have been happy. Just dont think about things. Still with the whole life is great till I think about it thing. I can cry for other peoples pain, but mine seems so vast and deep inside that I cant even touch it. I just know it's there. And I should deal with it. But it is so much easier to ignore it. My main reason for not killing myself is that I live by myself and take care of 3 cats and a dog. If I were to die, then they would too, and that final thought just kills me. I could never be selfish enough to let 4 animals starve to death... But I was selfish enough to try and I need to get over that already. MOVE ON! IT IS THE PAST! GET OVER YOURSELF! if only it was that easy...

How did I let such a fun and great night turn into a sad pathetic post? It was nice to get out :) And very nice to see the sun rise.

moving...???

NYC has always been the last place I have wanted to live, but quite recently an old roommate and awesome friend said they wanted to move and they wanted me to be their roommate again. They could put up w/ all the fur that travels with me.

I want to seriously get back into the art scene and NYC seems like the perfect place. I complained about the lack of nature, but was reminded of all the parks that abound.

I cant believe it. I am actually thinking of moving to NYC. Said friend has always been a positive influence in my life. In addition, I seem to do better at life when my parents are far away. There it will be sink or swim, and I am so a swimmer. Here I am just floating on a life preserver. My style of living will significantly decrease, but I see much fun on the horizon. The move is scheduled for July, but i still have not made up my mind. But the more I think about it, the better a big change will be. Plus living where seasons actually exist makes me giddy. I also have an aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and their children there so my family will come to NYC for Xmas. But I do love coming home for Xmas and getting a great tan in the middle of winter. OK, the beginning.

free spirt or insane

It is supposedly Very Cold here in Miami and around 1:30 am I got all bundled up and walked the doggies before going to bed. I slept 1 - 2 hours last night and had to wake up at 8. I am not the bit tired, my brain wont stop, I am even in bed...trying...but not too hard cuz i guess i am up writing this. I stepped outside and it was nice. Crisp, chilly but much less windy than normal. While I was walking down Collins everything was perfectly still. Not a single car to be seen or heard. Due to lack of sleep (at least i think) it just became the most wonderful perfect moment. In anticipation of high wind the fountain had been turned off, including the waterfall feature - which is never turned off. The water is so still, so quiet, so pretty, so sparkly (I'm serious - i saw sparkles).
A man, jogs - really fast - right by us. In and out. Gone in a second and eerily quiet. I look back to make sure he is still jogging a few moments later and he is way down the street. A serious runner. Fast. 1:30 am, there was also a marathon in Miami today I just remembered.....
Then I head for the SW corner expecting the wind to come from there. Nothing. So calm, though the moon is pretty full, there are no clouds (the few there are beautiful little wispy things), and I can see plenty off stars. The dogs make their expected attempt at a roll that has been on the floor for a few days that seriously has the shape of a perfectly formed dog turd. All this with the jogger and the water sploshing around in my brain felt like the perfect moment. Everything seemed in sync; like in those VW commercials - and it stayed that way. I turn the SE corner still almost no wind, just some light breezes. Well, I didn't turn it, I passed and headed out to the beach. I remembered the running man, knew I wasn't at all tired, and decided to go for beach marathon. Such a wonderful night...with the cold, and the calm seas the sand felt like snow. It didn't crunch, it didn't puff like powder- but it really felt like snow. I decided to walk to the tallest (?) bldg on the beach - definitely the one with the largest light on its head. An honor previously belonging to my bldg. Its funny, though it has this giant lit up pyramid that you can see FOR MILES - its very flat here.... The bldg still needed to have the little red lights on all four corners. If the pilot cant see the biggest lit up triangle on the bldg but manages to avoid hitting it only because of those four little red lights there is seriously something wrong with him. The ocean was peppered with many more brightly lit boats than usual. With my blurry vision they all looked like floating candles. Then I saw one in the sky.... yeah I cant explain it. I only made it about 12 blocks; many blocks shy of my lofty goal, but i still had to come back. So I really walked around 25 blocks......When I came back, Papo, who I had to drag out to the beach for some reason, decides to bypass the door and keep walking. So we walked around the bldg again. Everything still in sync. That was the most wonderful acid trip walk w/o acid ever. It might my last long walk w/ Papo for a while. His daddy gets the keg of love tomorrow..... Brain is still up, but hands and eyes are not. Good Night.