it does make me feel better

"Thanks, i hope my misery makes u feel better."

Like really, really, big smile on my face, better.

Is that so horrible? Above written by the person who ditched me week before we were supposed to go to India. Also, he just told me the real reason (maybe the 3rd real reason) he changed his mind was b/c he did not find me attractive and needed to be attracted so somebody...aw fuck it - he said it better..

"when i saw some of the photos u sent i realised i wasn't attracted 2 u as i thought. call me shallow but i need 2 be attracted 2 someone 2 be with them."

Funny thing is, though he has a great body I wasnt that attracted to his photos, much more to his personality. And he had quite a time to review those pics, only to tell me ONE WEEK BEFORE not to bother to fly half way around the world to meet him. GRRRR!!!

Shaun Robinson is his name. I am so fucking mean for putting that there and stupid considering the pics he has of me... But it is such a generic name...

I dont feel the slightest bit of pain that he had to cancel a snorkeling trip b/c of a negative feedback. Instead of replying with his version of the truth, he is deleting his account. What a wittle baby. I only feel bad that about 1000 lovely pics wont be available for viewing. I kinda feel like posting the whole email thing here because I get really creative when I write a mean letter. Its hard to understand though, because the whole thing is sopping wet with sarcasm - forget that dripping shit - soaking i tell you!

The website in question is called travel buddy. Even though I had a severely sour experience I still think it is great. It is for people who love to travel and share stories. Hmm... he could close his account and open up a new one so I should save the negative feedback I wrote for him somewhere in case I need to re post it. I can be evil in small ways. Especially with words. But feel I gave a very fair portrayal of what happened. In fact, here it is. Tell me if you think it's too much and if I should delete it. You thousands of imaginary readers out there.

Have you met in real life? No
Did you meet through TravBuddy? Yes
Have you traveled together? No
Why are you leaving a negative vouch for going2asia2007?

"We had planned on meeting in India (I am from the USA - he from Australia.) I asked him many times if he was REALLY OK w/ me traveling w/ him and his friend. I got repeated yeses. When I finally bought the ticket he seemed ecstatic. This was going to be a trip where I planned nothing and was happy to just 'follow along' and enjoy. We discussed this trip by email and phone for months. A week before my departure date he sent me an email w/ various contradicting excuses as to why he did not want to meet me in India any longer.

I am only writing this to protect other people from making the same mistake I did. I knew I was taking a risk, but he seemed so happy that I was going to join him and all my friends said Kiwis were the best travelers ever. I was blown away by the email. He knew I had made no plans and India is too large to plan a trip in a week so I ended up canceling it. Oddly, I still think he is a 'good' person. His emails sounded like he felt bad...but I felt a thousand times worse i am sure :)

I so wanted to vouch for him, but in a completely different way. This happened in October so I have had plenty of time to 'get over it' and I have but again feel that other people should know that this is a real possibility when traveling with this person. Make plans to travel if you like, but always have a back up. I was way too trusting. Hmmm...33 years and that continues to be one of my biggest problems. Jaded and too trusting...How are those reconcilable?"


I even left out his name b/c it was not in his profile. I mean, how much nicer can I get? Jeez!

breaking up

its hard. I am not used to be being broken up w/. And i really hate breaking up w/ people. I always feel it should be mutual. Like they should understand why it cant work between us. The last 2 that broke up w/ me were so cold. Just said it and that was it. No more communication. Ever. So harsh. Wish i got over it sooner. Cuz i guess i am pretty much over it now i guess. just wondering how people can change their minds so quickly or why they dont talk about things till its too late. The 2 that broke up w/ me were long distance so thats why it surprised me how much it hurt. I dont know... I have learned that breakups dont need to be mutual. You dont have to have painful conversation about it. You can just send a 2 sentence email starting w/ i am sorry and ending its for the best. And that was the nicer break up. I got maybe 2 more of those in response to my 50+ emails. The other one was over the phone. Left a message saying call me tonight or i will hunt you down and kill you. You know, cuz i am really the murderous type. He freaked, got mean on the phone and I said bye. The End.?? I just dont think its normal/nice to treat people that way. But maybe it is better just to make a clean cut. But i would always try to talk to people and be as nice as possible when breaking up. Its odd that i am writing about it now because I dont really think my heart hurts anymore. Sadly kinda still want to be friends w/ one. Ok, embarassing. He was Shaun, my international internet boyfriend who lived in Australia. We planned on traveling to India together. I had considered new zealand and a possible move if we got along during our six weeks together. Then i got the 2 sentence sorry a week before i was to meet him in india. Right after I had started getting really excited to meet him. Before I had some doubts. From his pictures he didnt look my type. But what he wrote, and what he said, and how sweet he seemed and what we discussed all was totally my type. Oh and no matter what he was sexy as hell. I just wish more people were like me. Give things a try. Help the other person out with it. It might draw it out and make it more painful but i think its best for a healthy resolution on both sides. I go by, do unto others and you would have them do unto you. If only it would work the other way around. I also started a very personal blog and am writing there a lot and dont really remember where i posted what so thats why stuff might not make sense. as if it ever does LOL.... got distracted but am in a pretty good mood. bye!

giving in to depression

I hit an all new phase today. I actually managed to sleep till 8pm. I totally forgot it was halloween which used to be my fav holiday, but i guess depression changes things. Actually looking back, as I went to sleep at 8 am i guess i didnt sleep too much. I am not going to india. The chance i took, traveling w/ someone i never met, but we spoke and emailed so much bah!, just totally fell apart. dont have the courage to go to india by myself so am doing another USA road trip. Would be nice to visit my friends all over the country and see yellowstone as i missed it the first time. Resee the badlands, white sands, mt. st. helens, austin. Visit Boston, NYC, Richmond, drive the blue ridge during fall!!!!!!!!! Think I might take my dog along for company. That way I am not alone - he is a great companion - never talks back :) Checking to see if i can find a nice flight + hotel package for amsterdam -thinking about a week. Here is to making the best out of things when people totally fuck you over. Will never have a pure internet friend again. Even the most honest and sweetest appearing can be total assholes. I portray myself as a player, but as much as it hurts to admit, I am a true romantic, looking for my soulmate. Thought I might have found him LOL.

Ok, I also dreamnt I was back in classes and had to write a 5 page paper and I wrote it by hand. About 2 hrs before it was due I realized it needed to be typed... any feelings on what this might mean?