hi...

i dont know if i like writing here anymore. it just doesnt feel right anymore. I guess i dont have much to offer so bye. Damn, I just started thinking how this "post" originally started..

just came here because i wanted to but i really dont have anything in mind. Guess thats when I started thinking about things. I hate it when i do that. Guess that why I dont want to write here anymore. I think people i know read it. I know some did but am not sure if they still do and i just cant bring it up. Except I just did. Pretty sneaky huh.

I just edited a post for the first time - days after it was up. I dont want this to be something i have to worry about. What i mostly do is worry about hurting someone elses feelings to i edit out a lot and write knowing that someone will read so I have to.....

whatever, started thinking ahead and lost my train of thought. I hate it when bloggers delete their blogs. I hope they are just down and not GONE. I cant imagine erasing everything or even anything here. I guess that is what "save as draft" is for.

OK, the thought of completely giving up on this of course makes me think of Misha and I feel its a dishonor to her memory to stop writing. I dont care if was "only" a dog. She was so much more to me than that. She always made me smile or go crazy. Its really stupid to equate writing anything to her but this thing is named after her...so like you see, right?

Also just bought a mini notebook to keep in my purse. Its great! I can write whenever but i hate that its on paper. Sorry bout that - really didnt want you to find it. I guess I am just way sad right now and will come back when i have something happy to say. So its not really bye, just see you later. But damn if that isnt negative thinking. I am dying for a cigg. Just popped in my first "Commit" lozenge. Well not my all time first but my first in my quest to really quit. They taste nasty. Kinda like a cigg, a minty, slimy, one with a ton of saliva. Have had enough of this. It is leaving my mouth now. My throat hurts - odd.

Yeah, so I try to write, but only nonsense comes out. Sorry. Going under the radar.