Goin' Camin' NEKED!

HELLS YEAH!!

I am going Naked Camping w/ 2 of my dogs and fiance. I soo cant wait. And I am thinking of doing something I have never seen done in these pages of blogs i read - I just might post some photos of the trip. I figure, if I want to declare myself a nudist, then I must not just talk the talk - I also have to walk the walk - and in keeping w/ the brutal honesty theme I want here - show the walk.

Naked pictures - not sexual. Just a human. Without clothes. Pretty scandalous right? Bullshit. This is how I came into this world and I like to remain in that state as much as possible.

Warning - while I might be quite hot, I aint no magazine material. There wont be any airbrushing. I wont post one like from the trip last year which I title "Rolls with roll". I was sitting down, hunched over, and eating a honey bun. Honestly - I NEVER eat honey buns - it was just a stoner camping thing, but a horrible picture. UGH - I looked like I weighed 200lbs, which thankfully, I dont. But hunched over even Britney would look like she has a belly. I really wish I had her body, but exercise is part of her job - I have to do mine on the side.

I went on this trip last year. It was idyllic.

Well, i wanted to tell more, but time got the best of me.

its funny how when things go horribly wrong, they can turn out even better than imagined. I will record the facts later. Hopefully not much later.

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

BLEAH

Its one of those days again. One of those days in which it just hurts to be alive and you wonder how much longer it will last. My computer is giving me shit at the worst fucking possible moment! Fuck you - you stupid god-dammed piece of shit box that I cant throw out a window b/c I don't have one in my office.

Good thing - one of my best friends is about to become a daddy!!! Yeah!!!!! I am soooo happy for you and your wife!!! Cant wait to see if I will be an honorary aunt to a feminist or a metro-sexual.

#1 New Rule of Life: End posts and everything in a happy way - no matter how hard it is. I don't really want a bullet in the head, no matter how tempting it seems most of the time. Eeech - I know that's really lame, but I promised myself a no holds barred diary. Tell all - even the self-absorbed bullshit things.

The babies are a coming....


"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Big Ugly Bug Deserved to LIVE

Big Ugly Bug got killed. I am not too happy about that. Why cant people just relocate things they don't like? Why do they have to kill them? When Big Ugly Bug (who still has a right to life and choice) crawled out of the cranny he (?) had made his home, he was promptly squashed. I wasn't around to protect him.

I remember when I was a freshman in college, first one, not second one, I once killed an ant by burning it w/ a cigarette. I actually cried I felt so bad over the random act of meanness that somehow came out of me. I had never done anything like that before - and have never done anything like that again.

I read a story (b/c I get like every single action alert) about 2 guys (18 & 19) who tied a husky (my baby) to a tree and shot it w/ the SAME arrow about 30 times. One of the kids had a dad as a Mayor so they only got fines. I don't know whether to cry or throw things. They had to repeatedly pull it out of the poor dog and repeatedly shoot the arrow. Fucking assholes should rot in jail for the rest of their lives.
(I like my bad use of the word repeatedly :-) - had to do something to make myself smile.

My tag line has never seemed so appropriate.

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Why So Sad/Mad/Angry?

I just came to the obvious realization that too many of my posts are a tad bit on the negative side because I write them after work, right before I go home. Yes, for most, going home is a happy time, but you see, I HATE my job (yes, yes - very negative) so at the end of a 12 hr work day I am seriously pissed off at all the bullshit I have had to deal with throughout the day.

I don't really think I get over it until I am at home w/ C and all my dogs (3) and cats (2). Puppy love really is the best. I just cracked a smile - my first since about 6pm when I was seriously considering setting up a tent out back and camping out at work tonight, and for the rest of this week to try and finish what people say NEEDS to be done tomorrow. I love people who live in dream land (imagine the sarcasm dripping there) - idiots - all of them.

Then my often wonderful mother said SHE would do the paperwork for the container shipment. Poor fool had NO idea what she was getting herself into. She finally gave up at one invoice and said she would do the other 20 or so (40' container full of zippers of almost endless widths, types, functions, and lengths) when ever she damn well got around to it. She's the Boss.

So here is to writing at the beginning of the day, before my spirit becomes broken and nothing but negativity and spew from my keyboard.

Cheers!

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Happy Birthday Earth!

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Well, not really a birthday, but it is Earth Day! A day for all of us to feel guilty about not recycling, too much packaging, really wanting all wood furniture, liking fast cars (really liking them), using disposable anything, etc….

I just realized (well I had known it all along but it came to the forefront just now) what an incredibly disposable society we are. The more easily disposable it is, the better, seems to be the mantra in the good ole US of A.

I remember once in Oaxaca, Mexico I asked for a drink to go and was sooo perplexed as they started to put it in a plastic baggie. I repeated, “no, para llevar” and C just looked at me like I was an idiot. They returned the drink to me in a plastic bag tied off around a straw. Ingenious. No bulky stryofoam to congest landfills. The reasons were most likely for cost efficiency rather than environmental, but it still helps. Every bit helps.

I can't even begin to convey how much I want a hybrid SUV. But will it go fast? I must admit that I get a rush when I can smoke everyone at a light. Yesterday, I thought an old beetle wanted to race. I was actually hoping he would win. It’s not everyday that an old bug smokes a Benz(not me, but it is my car for now!). In the end, I left them all in the dust though. It’s nice to have a fast car. I wasn’t going really fast, but it was onto a highway exit, so you do have to fast. I just like that feeling when the car is slightly out of your control – you get pushed back into your seat and can almost imagine G-forces. I practically salivate at the thought of driving a Ferrari (in Germany) but then I think about how much gas they guzzle and feel completely guilty.

The conundrum that is I.

Why do I really like weird sentence structure?

Send your favorite things to heaven!

I finally picked up my wedding band on Sunday! I bought it 2 months ago when everything was still rush, rush, rush and when it all came crashing down it felt almost weird going to get it. It is also in a huge mall which I really hate going to. I guess it’s the same for all malls though. I have an old fashioned engagement ring shaped like an off-center octagon, so I wasn’t sure how it was going to go w/ a band but I looks great! The band is only 2mm wide with the tiniest diamonds all over the top half and totally matches my engagement ring.
Damn, I was trying to find a picture of a similar one at Kay’s and I saw it for $100 less than what I paid. Oh well, I thought I was getting a good deal at the time.

After that C and I were looking to go Oleta River State Park for kayaking but when we got there the kayak rentals were closed indefinitely. So then we were going to go Tradewinds Park Which we visited last weekend. It has this great viewing platform up amongst all these trees. It is such a perfect place to relax. Then we realized that it was waaaay to far north.
This is how our weekends usually go.
Wandering around looking for something to do.

We started wandering back south to home to do something – what it was I completely forgot. Well, on our way down we passed Haulover Beach and decided that’s where we would stop. We found a towel, spin kite and backgammon board in the trunk so we were set. More set than we realized.

We were quite bummed about our lack of mari-ju-anna for this weekend and when we opened up the board a decent size bag literally flew out (very windy that day). Also in the board were a bowl and lighter. Made a good beach day even better.

By this time the kite was already up in the air but I got tired of holding it. We attached it to my purse but heavy as the damn thing is, it was picked up off the ground a few times. Not wanting to see my purse fly away, genius C filled the kite tube with sand – a very handy anchor.

After a few games of backgammon in which he kicked my ass (he was once ranked like 20 in the internet world) we decided to send things up the kite line.

There is such an incredible feeling of release when you attach something to a string that goes strait up and then that something goes strait up as well – fast!
We sent a lot of things up there. My underwear, my dress, my flip flops, a plastic bag filled with sand, but with a small hole to make it rain sand – the neighbors were perverted – VERY. I was honestly scared to go the bathroom w/o C nearby – when I got out there was actually someone waiting for me at the door. Creepy. Very.

Next time we go to the beach, we are going to put the kite so high up that you can't see anything but the string and try to sell “Sending letters to God”.

Aren’t we just horrible.

Except for this devious idea to take advantage of the gullible we really are good people.

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Friday - 10:08 pm - I'm on my way, home sweet home.

Yeah baby, the Xanex kicked in and I longer think I am going to try really hard not to drive off that bridge on the way home tonight.

I bet I wont even think about it.

Why are humans one of the few animals that commit suicide?

What makes me think about it soooo often?

I even have a minor plan. I want to rent a car before I drive off that bridge because it would be a shame to waste my car. Why cant I feel the same way about my life?

These two guys tried to kidnap me once, but I completely fought them off. All 5'1" of me and @ 115 lbs. They even had a gun. I was scared, but I was way more angry. I just kept thinking "You fucking assholes are ruining a perfectly good Sunday for me". They were amateurs, but it is still nerve wracking when a gun is pointed at you. It was pointed at my ample behind and I wondered how much it would hurt to get shot in the ass.

The one w/o the gun was saying over and over "If you don't get in the car we are going to kill you bitch". But I knew damn well that if I did get in my car, and they also managed to, I would probably be taken into the woods (I lived in Virginia where they actually exist) raped, and then killed. I figured my chances were better in a mall parking lot in broad daylight.

I just kept saying, over and over again "Leave me fuck alone you god-damn mother fuckers. Just go away and leave me the fuck alone you fucking assholes" and many variations of the same. I was proud that I turned out to be the lion type and not the lamb time.

It's funny. I have lived in some pretty bad ghettos and when I go to the ritzy mall, I become a crime victim for the first and so far only time. Go figure. It did take a good 6 months for the paranoia to diffuse. About 3 minutes changed the next 6 months - damn I got lucky.

I am pretty, not fat but curvaceous, and intelligent. I am financially better off than most, have the most wonderful loving parents, fiance, and pets.

Yet these thoughts still keep coming into my head. I cant seem to be able to drive them out. I feel like I need a permanent vacation from life sometimes. Usually I wish that I could become seriously injured just for the time off work. That and I like Vicodin.

But if makes me vomit if I don't get to smoke and I bet they wont let me smoke in a hospital so that's no good.

I promised my self that I was going to try to focus on the good in these "pages" from now on. Not doing too good so far. It is just therapeutic to get rid of all my self-destructive thoughts on "paper". Really, after talking about it, I do feel better.


Dooce recently posted about her bouts with severe postpartum depression. Reading her entries one would never have though that she was suffering so badly. I love reading her stuff. It is so funny and witty. I figured if she can feel so bad, and yet not let it show in her writing then I should try it. It seems like a really good idea.


"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."