instant headaches gonna getcha

Pissed off, angry, but not quite ready for another attempt on my life. So I figure, hurricane season is here...time to test the floor to ceiling windows..... With my head.... Yeah, I know I am 2 years old again.... Damn they bounce when whacked with noggin though! And you know, if youve ever lost your shit like that, you dont really think "gee, this might give me a really bad headache" when all I really wanted to do was crash through the window. I lie. I just write these things because I think them A LOT. But just because I think them, does not mean I will go through with them. I cant stand the thouoght of hurting my family again that way..... OMG - speaking of family, my dad wants to get the Maserati Quatrroporte. I get all giddy everytime I think of it....Of course my mom is dead set against it. I figure that if you have driven nothing but Mercedes' since like 1981, the price difference almost makes up for the extreme luxury, insane inlaid wood in the dash; incredible leather work, not to forget the fact that its a fucking MASSERATI!!! Massing seats, rear seat fold down tables... Oh yeah, i know, poor me, why suicidal?? Parents have money - live in a kick ass condo - trust me, I wonder too. I figure money is only a big thing when you dont have enough of it, and I have been there too. I am usually too proud to take $ from parents (obviously rule does not apply to realestate) and would work many dbls and a few triples when I needed extra money.

Update to previous post bout "Lost Coňos". I wrote my first ever song. A variation of "wish you were", but way more on the lost, angry, suicidal side. Would SO love to hear a bastardized punk version of "wish you were".... Just so you know, this "version" has been the soundtrack of my brain for about 5 years now. I think it would be so cathartic to just scream out my innermost feelings and most horrible thoughts to a bunch of strangers. Just hope I have the voice for it. I think I have the balls for it - the first time I wailed into a mike - what a rush!

wasn't going to but here is how it kinda goes:

Oh, how I wish I was gone
I'm just a poor lost soul trapped in the fishbowl of my brain
going over the same old shit, the same old FUCKING CRAP, DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK, MONTH AFTER MONTH.....
GOD DAMN, HOW I WISH I WAS FUCKING GONE!

No more pain; no more fear; NO FUCKING MORE! FUCK NO! I CANT TAKE IT; I WONT TAKE IT; FUCK YOU!!! FUCK IT; FUCK IT ALL!.....

Ya gotta make the punk potty mouth - sounds much better screaming. Probably the only place we can get a gig is Churchills .

Will let you know as soon as anything develops! Yes - you 4 readers out there - if you don't already know me, you can meet THE MISH, although the person on stage is a really, really fun acting job....

I wrote the song yesterday, and am not looking at what I wrote, so this is some sort of variation.... Perhaps if I just kept writing it about 10 times I could review all of them and pick the best parts or each...

Would love suggestions so fucking comment dammit!!!!!

good dogs

I just came back from a walk. There is a hummer outside of the garage b/c it doesn't fit! Little dog first peed on it - slightly mortified in case the owner was watching, but no one yelled at me. Then big dog peed in the exact same place (he isn't very original). I was so proud of my babies - piss on all the hummers you want, you good environmental dogs!